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Gayesy's pregnancy after loss journal

Week 12
~ Excited and Feeling Great!

I have been feeling so great! My mind is full of excited thoughts about the rest of the pregnancy, preparations, and thinking of when little Peanut arrives. I have been experiencing some quite unpleasant pregnancy symptoms but quite frankly they just don't bother me that much - certainly not enough to dampen my excitement!

My uterus has just started to "peek" out from behind the pubic bone. The other night, I showed my tummy to Andrew who commented, "Yeah, but anyone can look like that if they stick their gut out". He was quite taken aback when I explained that I was, in fact, actually holding it IN a bit! Having a tummy doesn't bother me now as it did earlier. I guess I feel now that it is somehow more acceptable because the uterus is actually there, rather than just gas bloating. I actually can't wait to look "properly" pregnant.

I have read in various books that once the uterus starts to grow up and out, the pressure on the bladder lessens and the need to spend half your life in the bathroom eases for a while. Well, I wish to make an official complaint! No one bothered to fill MY bladder on this important bit of information - LOL! Instead of needing to get up once or maybe twice during the night to visit the toilet, I have been getting up three or four times. YIKES - it brings back memories of the final months of my pregnancy with Thomas when I had to get up every half to one hour. Yes, you read that right! I kid you not - my bladder and I have some serious business to discuss.

My lower back pain (sciatica) has been getting quite severe at times, especially in the evenings when I have been standing up preparing dinner, cleaning up afterwards, and usually carrying Thomas around a bit. Sometimes it is so bad I can hardly walk. I did mention this to the obstetrician last week and she said she has a great physiotherapist she can refer me to if necessary. At the moment, I am pleased to report that doing some stretches, changing position and so on are enough to get me through. I feel so proud of myself being able to cope with this degree of pain without medication, and just using my instincts to find a position that helps.

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I have also still been exhausted and Thomas and I have been spending most days at home. He doesn't seem to mind and I have been quite enjoying not having to get him dressed by any particular time or battling the shops etc. We have been looking through some past baby magazines together and he is extremely interested in seeing the pictures of actual births. (For a while, this magazine ran a series where it showed photos of women during labour and right through the birth - pretty graphic, but he is fascinated and not at all put off or anything). He loves asking all about birthing and has asked again if he can be there when OUR new baby is born. Depending on how things go, I would love it if he could share that special time. One thing which was really sweet was when he saw a woman with a pained expression on her face and asked me why. I explained that having a baby was hard work for the mummy and that it could hurt at times too. He said, "Don't worry, Mummy! I will hold your hand."

We then watched some video (at Thomas's request) of when he was a baby. Boy was he TINY! (Well, compared to now anyway) It brought back so many memories, both good and bad. I am not letting myself dwell on the PPD or anything else traumatic, except where it is useful as a learning experience. I think I have learnt a lot, grown a lot, in the past few years. I have had to, I guess, but I can't wait to approach motherhood this time with more confidence. I am just so happy and did I mention EXCITED??

Pregnancy Week By Week Guide, Week 12

week 13  |  Week 11
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