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Gayesy's pregnancy after loss journal

Week 17
~ More reassurance!

This week has pretty much been dominated in my mind by the triple screen test. I took it on Thursday morning and had to wait until Monday morning to get the results back. I actually wasn't as nervous about it as I thought I would be, but it was still nonetheless an anxious time. Every so often the thought would pop into my head, "What on earth will I do if they tests come back positive?". I had no answer... I decided that as it was unlikely to be bad news anyway, it was probably better to leave that to the "cross that bridge if you come to it" category. It really isn't worth getting all worked up unless it is necessary! Well, the results were FINE! Praise the Lord! The risk factor for Down syndrome was 1 in 1300, and for neural tube defects was 1 in 1400. I know that this is only a screening test, so nothing is definite, but together with the nuchal translucency scan, things are looking pretty darned good! I have my scan at the beginning of week 20, so that will hopefully be the icing on the cake.

You know how people say that pregnant women bloom? Well, I'm blooming all right - blooming awful!! LOL! At least I can laugh about it, I guess. I feel like I am wearing a permanent fat suit. I know logically that I probably don't look as fat as I think I look, but it still bothers me a LOT. It's kind of like going through puberty all over again - the zits, awful hair, and laying down fat left, right and centre. It amazes me how some pregnant women just seem to get a neat little bulge and barely change at all around the hips, thighs and elsewhere. I feel like a hippopotamus! I have gained about 5 1/2 pounds so far, which I know is well within suggested amounts, possibly even at the lower end of expectations, but it is just SO hard for me to cope with. I actually WANT my tummy to get bigger (so I know my Munchkin is growing well), but I just don't want to get fat everywhere, if that makes sense. It probably doesn't help that I started out this pregnancy at a weight that I really wasn't happy with. Unless I am at least a stone underweight, I feel extremely uncomfortable with my body. (and I was only a few pounds underweight) Sigh...

I have started wearing maternity clothes a fair bit of the time. One item I have been wearing a lot is actually not technically maternity, but it is an elastic-waisted skirt in a size bigger than I usually take. It has been great! I have decided I don't like many of my other maternity clothes though. It seems like nothing I wear will rid me of this awful "hippo sensation"! The style of the clothes I bought when pregnant with Thomas is so different from those that are in style these days too - they really seem to accentuate my size and that is the last thing I want right now. There is a bazaar coming up soon, run by the Childbirth Education Association, where there will be some recent second-hand maternity clothes on sale. I will go and see if I can pick up another item or two that might be more flattering. Andrew calls the clothes I bought or made when pregnant with Thomas my "tent dresses"! I can see his point!

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I have been a bit worried about Munchkin this week, even with the good news from the blood tests. I haven't been feeling that much movement, and I'm not even 100% sure that I have been feeling any at all. It is just so scary to think that he or she could die just like that. If anything were wrong, I just don't know if I could cope. On top of the lack of movement concern, I have had a cold this week too. I am an asthmatic, and unfortunately when I get a cold I tend to get breathing problems. I have been so lucky to not have had anything serious for so long, so I even had trouble finding my peak flow meter to check my lung capacity. (The reading wasn't too bad at all thankfully.) When I was expecting Thomas my asthma got so bad on two occasions that I needed to be admitted to hospital. I am so incredibly thankful that this cold hasn't been too serious this time, as the thought of depriving my little Munchkin of oxygen scares the heck out of me.

I have already begun nesting! LOL! We aren't doing up a nursery this time, as we are intending on co-sleeping right from the start, plus the fact that we don't have a room we could do up anyway. I did need to get a lot of tidying up though, so we have somewhere to put Munchkin's clothes and so on. The room we refer to as Thomas's room (he doesn't sleep there as he is still in with us, but he has all his "stuff" there), was getting to be a bit of a disaster! I am a bit of a neat freak, so it was really getting me down. One afternoon, I spent a couple of hours tidying out the whole cupboard, all his drawers, and rearranging his toy storage. Boy did my back kill me when I had finished, but I felt SO satisfied! All we need now is some shelving in the cupboard so Thomas's toys are more easily accessible for him (and so he can put them away more easily too). I can't wait now until the ultrasound because then I can start going through Thomas's baby clothes and working out what else needs to be bought. Of course, if Munchkin is a boy, we won't need much at all clothes-wise, as their birthdays are around the same time and therefore the clothes I already have should be the right size for each season. I think somehow I would still want to go shopping though! LOL! If it is a little girl, then I think Andrew might need to hide my Mastercard!!

Despite the apparent lack of movement this week, I guess I could say "so far, so good". I am going in a few days for another check-up, so hopefully I will get to hear that precious little heartbeat again. I wish we had some way here in Australia where I could hire a doppler. There just isn't anywhere you can do that - I would have to spend about $1000 to buy one, and that unfortunately just isn't a financial option for us. Oh well, I will wait! Hopefully soon the movements will get stronger so there is no doubt about the whole issue. I would actually even ENJOY a few painful kicks if it meant I had that reassurance!

On I press - another week down!

Pregnancy Week By Week Guide, Week 17

week 18  |  Week 16
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