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Gayesy's pregnancy after loss journal

Week 20
~ The icing on the reassurance cake!

Katelyn at 19 weeksOh wow! What a week! I started off feeling VERY anxious about my scan, even to the point of having nightmares about it. I was silly enough to watch the video of Thomas's ultrasound the afternoon beforehand (in the hope it would calm my nerves - it had the OPPOSITE effect!). There was a bit where the guy was looking at Thomas's head from the top and was checking the shape of the cerebellum. He said, "I can tell from the shape of this baby's cerebellum that this baby does NOT have spina bifida." In my nightmare I was at my scan for Munchkin and he was again looking at the cerebellum, but this time he said, "I can tell from the shape of this baby's cerebellum that this baby has spina bifida." In my dream the shape of it was so vivid and it did look totally different from the way it should look. Then we got to looking at the face and there was an obvious cleft lip. Oh my - when I woke up I was so distressed and I was not at all calm heading off for my scan!

The scan actually went BEAUTIFULLY! Praise the Lord! The woman technician went first and took a very thorough look at everything - brain, heart, limbs, cord, placenta, you name it. Then the guy came in and did the same. It was so amazing: we could even see the teeth in little Munchkin's gums!! Everything was perfect, no problems detected at all, and I can't express enough in words how much that means to me. I really feel like this little one is going to be okay and feel greatly blessed. They both said they were sure about the gender, even though I didn't really get much explanation as to why - Munchkin is a GIRL! Little Katelyn Grace!! On the way home, I stopped off at Kmart and bought a couple of little pink outfits and a little Forever Friends K bear - all the bears are sitting up in a row together now. Our family is complete!

The first scan, of my upper abdomen, went very well too. No evidence at all of any gallstones, liver problems, or anything at all else problematic. I am still at a loss to explain the severe pain attacks I have had but at least I know what it isn't - LOL!

The day after the scan, Thomas and I got down all his baby clothes from the top of the cupboard (they were stored in space bags) and had a lot of fun working out which ones would be suitable for Katelyn and which ones were pretty much only suitable for little boys. I was actually amazed at how much stuff we have that will be fine for little Katelyn. I have heaps of lovely little knitted things, all white, little white nighties and singlets, a few bootees and socks, and some short and long-sleeved grow suits. I think we are pretty much set for around the house and nighttime wear for the first few months! Of course any of Thomas's "going out" outfits basically had "little boy" written all over them so they aren't suitable, but the few little things I picked up on the way home from the shops are a great start in that department. It is SO exciting to be looking at baby clothes! To think that in a few months I could actually have a BABY to put in them just blows me away!

The nose spray I started on last week finally seems to be taking full effect! Thank goodness! My nose still isn't perfect, but things are quite bearable now and I can actually SLEEP! LOL! My back pain has unfortunately been getting more severe and is affecting me almost all the time now. I can hardly move my right leg without experiencing this stabbing pain - the other night I was standing at the kitchen bench chopping up potatoes, and even the effort of leaning forward a bit and putting some weight on my right side (I am right handed) had me crying out in pain. Oh my! Little Thomas came along and decided to rub my back for me, which was very sweet. Didn't help mind you, but sweet nevertheless.

Just as well he is so sweet most of the time because at other times he does things that I am not at all happy about. On Sunday morning, he slammed Pumpkin's tail in the bedroom door! (He didn't intend to hurt her, but was trying to force her to stay in the bedroom and of course he is not allowed to do that nor to slam doors!) That necessitated a trip to the vet (the really expensive ones are open on Sundays!), and while we were there the vet determined a possible heart problem with her. I get so upset when anything happens to any of my "babies" that I was having trouble holding back the tears. She will be seeing a veterinary cardiologist in a few days to have an ECG and heart ultrasound done. Things aren't sounding too good . . . On top of everything else, we are starting to get into some financial troubles, and all this is going to cost a fortune. That just adds to all the worry unfortunately.

I am definitely looking pregnant now. I was even with Thomas, so I don't feel too bad about it. It IS very hard though to cope with the weight gain. Things have really taken off in the past couple of weeks and I have now put on a total of 9 1/2 pounds. I feel like my body is taking over and that I am losing control. I remember feeling this way with Thomas's pregnancy too. The funny thing is that I am not really eating huge amounts so to try and stop or lower the weight gain would involve some pretty strict dieting - I am NOT going to do that! If I put on 30 pounds, then I guess I will just have to deal with that when the time comes. The first 22 or so came of straight away with Thomas so I think I will be okay. It's just a bit scary!

Katelyn has been kicking up a storm! I feel lots of movements at least several times per day, which is very reassuring. I am so glad to know that she is okay and pray that things will stay that way. Into the second half of the pregnancy I boldly go . . .

Pregnancy Week By Week Guide, Week 20

week 21  |  Week 19
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