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Gayesy's pregnancy after loss journal

Week 25
~ All puffed up and nowhere to go!

This week started with a fair amount of anxiety on my part. I mentioned last week that I was starting to get some swelling - well, the first day of this 25th week, it suddenly became worse, to the extent that my feet and face looked awful and I had to take my rings off because they were hurting so much. At first, I wasn't worried - I just told myself it was the heat. Then I happened to read something on the internet about how that degree of swelling can be a sign of pre-eclampsia. (I already knew that but seeing it in print was extra scary.) Oh boy, I went from feeling quite calm (yet uncomfortable!), to experiencing almost total panic in a matter of minutes. I rang the obstetrician, whose secretary said he would ring me back later on that afternoon. That was a very long three hour wait!

Thankfully, he wasn't too concerned. He said that he had actually had quite a number of his patients ring him over the previous few days about swelling and that at my stage of the pregnancy he would be VERY surprised if it were due to high blood pressure. He suggested I go to the local doctor the next morning if I wanted some reassurance, so I did. My urine had only a trace of protein in it and my blood pressure was FINE - 100/60! Phew! However, my urine did show signs that I may have a urinary tract infection so the doctor sent it off to the lab for proper testing. That came back fine too thankfully so no need for antibiotics.

I am SO glad that my tutoring days are almost over! (Well, for a few years anyway.) My two final year students have both had their last session with me and that is such an immense relief. I have found it very draining to tutor one of them in particular because it has really been touch and go as to whether she will pass the subject. They are sitting their final exam today so I should know soon how they did. I only have one more student coming for tutoring and as her exam is in a couple of weeks, I only have a few more sessions with her. It will be great to have my afternoons free, especially as I am often feeling tired and cranky by then (not to mention the fact that my feet and ankles are so swollen it hurts to sit without elevating them.)

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Our gardens have been tidied up a bit (as much as we could afford for now) and they look SO much better. Each day Thomas and I have been watering the plants and I find that rather therapeutic and relaxing - except when Thomas tries to get me with the hose though! Maybe I should just put my swimming costume on and be done with it! (Except I can't bear the thought of seeing myself in it.) For Christmas, we are going to get him one of those little kiddie pools that we can have in the backyard. (He did have one but it has bitten the dust) It should be great fun! I am sure that Possum, our corgi, will be very excited about it too - last time Thomas was in his pool, she ran around the edge licking the water off his back! Thomas thought that was hilarious and so did I.

Speaking of Christmas, I am feeling quite ambivalent about it this year. Normally I am someone who starts counting the days months beforehand, getting excited like a little kid. I normally don't even mind the fact that some shops start putting out the Christmas stuff in September. This year feels different. It is hard for me to be excited because it was just before last Christmas that we lost little Nicholas. Even the thought of putting up our tree upsets me. This time last year I was so excited about my little Peanut, and imagining how by the next time we put the tree up he would be smiling and laughing, doing all those adorable things that babies that age do. I really miss him! Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and want him here with me . . .

I have had several really bad days this week, when I have spent a great deal of time either crying or feeling like doing so. It isn't just thinking about Nicholas: I am feeling overwhelmed and alone. If Andrew is still gone this much when Katelyn arrives I think I will be a sure case for PPD because I am BARELY holding things together now. Thomas has been really demanding lately (probably because he can tell I am not feeling too great), and I feel so drained and empty. Some days it is just us from the second he wakes up until he is asleep at night. I am tired, cranky and I guess feeling a bit sorry for myself!

I look like I have swallowed a basketball! Honestly, when you look at my tummy from the front, you can see a circle all around the edge of the uterus and from the side it looks like I have a basketball under my dress! It's quite funny actually, well sometimes anyway . . . My weight gain has slowed down a bit thankfully, but I am still not happy with it. I have put on about 2.3 pounds in the last two weeks which I think puts my total gain so far around the 17.5-18 pound mark. Oh well . . . I have also developed another very unattractive symptom - varicose veins! Yikes! I guess I shouldn't really be surprised because they run in my family - my Nanna had them, my Mum has them really badly, even my sister has them. I thought they weren't too bad until one day I (for some unknown reason) happened to see the back of my left knee. Oh my goodness! Black, purple and blue everywhere. Just as well purple is my favourite colour I guess! LOL! Now I am definitely going to have to call my agent and cancel my next few photo shoots . . . Hehehehe!!

Saturday is our first ante-natal class! I am really looking forward to it, both for the actual learning I hope will take place and for getting some time for me and my pregnancy. So far I have pretty much had to just carry on regardless, no matter how tired, sick, or how much pain I have been in. It will be SO nice to have a few hours of Andrew's time and to be able to concentrate on this pregnancy a bit. My parents are going to come over to our house and mind Thomas and I am a little bit concerned about how he will go as he hasn't been with them for that many hours yet - I think he will be okay though and at least he will be here with all his toys and so on.

This next week will be quite exciting I think, with the first class, another appointment with the obstetrician, and probably the gestational diabetes screen. It's all happening!

Pregnancy Week By Week Guide, Week 25

week 26  |  Week 24
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