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Gayesy's pregnancy after loss journal

Week 27
~ Sick and miserable

Oh boy I have been feeling rotten this week! My cold virus ended up as a chest and sinus infection and also set off my asthma. I have been on so many medications I think we are putting the local pharmacist's kids through private schooling! I was so hoping that my asthma would be okay this pregnancy, and as it had been so good up until this point I was feeling quite confident. Now I am on the steroid puffer for the rest of the pregnancy. What scares me the most is the worry about little Katelyn not getting enough oxygen so basically I will do whatever I need to do in order for her to be okay. I have also needed to start on a steroid nose spray because my nose situation was getting unbearable. It has been so bad that I have had great trouble sleeping and have been sitting up at the computer in the wee hours of the morning in an attempt to keep the panic attacks at bay.

Even though I know I need to take these medications, I am not very happy about it. It doesn't help that I am getting conflicting information about the category rating of some of them. The antibiotics I am on are definitely Category A, as is the paracetamol to try and keep my fever down, and the drops to treat my oral thrush (caused by the steroids and antibiotics - oh boy, my tongue is red raw and VERY sore!). The ventolin is also okay. The question mark is over the steroid sprays. Some sources say they are Category A whilst others say Category B3! I did use them both when pregnant with Thomas though so I guess if I was okay with it then I should be okay with it now! If only I weren't 100 times more paranoid these days than I was back then! LOL!

The illness has really raised my anxiety levels unfortunately. One morning in particular, when I woke up barely being able to breathe I was absolutely SOBBING because I had myself convinced that little Katelyn was going to die. Whereas she is normally very active, I couldn't feel her moving and was absolutely freaking out. It didn't help that when I rang the doctor (G.P.) they said they were already booked out for the day. Sometimes I think they expect you to know a week in advance when you are going to come down with something because even if you ring first thing in the morning you are lucky to get an appointment. I then rang my OB's office and he rang back in between appointments and said to ring the G.P. again and if they wouldn't see me to go to the emergency department at the hospital. Thankfully when I rang them again they said to come straight in, and they put me on the nebuliser pretty much straight away. At times like this, I just wish Andrew could come home from work and "rescue" me - drive me to the doctors, take care of Thomas for the day, feed me chicken soup and so on. Because he is just so darned busy though, I had to soldier on. Thank goodness for the Rugrats video: Thomas and I lay in bed and watched that and a few other things and that at least gave me some rest.

Even though I was still sick, we went to our antenatal class on Saturday. As there were only two couples doing it, they had decided to only have two sessions so I really didn't want to miss this one. I was quite disappointed this week - both with the fact that they had decided to basically cut one third of the time from our course and also with some of the things that Deborah said. This week was mostly about parenting and breastfeeding. Some of what she said really rubbed me up the wrong way, especially when I mentioned that we were planning on not getting Katelyn vaccinated against Hepatitis B at birth, but rather delaying a bit. She had quite a go at me, telling me my child would never be allowed into daycare or school and that we would have to sign all these forms about our reasons for objecting. I have never encountered that sort of criticism before and I didn't like it one bit. I have made an appointment with the pediatrician we have chosen to discuss the matter and will be VERY surprised if he treats me like that! UGH! She also kind of made fun of me when I said I had a sling in which I could breastfeed. Just as well I didn't tell her we planned on co-sleeping! She might have fallen off her chair!!

Apart from the antenatal class, I have mostly been hanging around home this week and just trying my best to get through the days. I have felt so incredibly ill that it has made it hard to do anything much at all. It has also affected my mood and I must admit I have been feeling very down. I am probably dehydrated from all the tears I have been crying! The littlest things can set me off unfortunately. I am quite concerned about depression. I have almost every risk factor of developing PPD, and the fact that I have had it before alone gives me a 50% chance of suffering again. Not exactly encouraging statistics! The good news is that I am very aware of the situation and will certainly get help as soon as I think I need it. Andrew also knows to keep a bit of an eye on things.

Little Katelyn has turned herself into the transverse position. Her head is on the left side and her bottom is on the right. This position seems to suit her quite fine because she can just roll a bit and then either concentrate her kicks on my cervix and bladder or alternatively up under my ribs. OUCH! I have actually started getting pretty bad rib pains, just on my right side, and it is at the point where the only position that is even vaguely comfortable is lying on my side. I can't exactly spend the next 13 weeks doing that, so I am just going to have to tough it out! It probably doesn't help that I have been doing a LOT of coughing, and also that the right side of my rib cage got pretty badly damaged when I was expecting Thomas (I tore some cartilage off the ribs). The good thing is that I know it will be fine as soon as I deliver so that is something to look forward to.

Hopefully I will soon be over this bad patch and will be able to get going on some more preparations! I really think the time is going to go quite quickly from now on! I have to keep my mind on the prize and what a prize it will be! I can't wait to hold her in my arms!

Pregnancy Week By Week Guide, Week 27

week 28  |  Week 26
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