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Gayesy's pregnancy after loss journal

Week 28
~ Getting organised!

This week started with me still feeling quite ill and unfortunately increasingly depressed. One day in particular, Thomas's behaviour had been quite atrocious, I was in major rib pain, and I ended up crying myself to sleep. I won't go into exactly how dreadful I was feeling at the time but suffice to say it was not good. The next morning I decided I wasn't going to let myself mope around - I was going to take charge of whatever I could and I decided that getting ready for Christmas was a good step in the right direction. As it was Saturday morning, Andrew, Thomas and I headed for the shops and I am very pleased to say that I got almost all of the Christmas shopping, plus Thomas's and some other birthday presents (we have two other relatives with birthdays close to Christmas). When we got home, Andrew needed to head off to work on his PhD, so Thomas and I got busy wrapping the presents and we even ended up putting up the tree and other decorations. I went a bit overboard and also weeded the gardens and cooked a roast dinner. Yikes - I am either in the depths of despair or running myself ragged (yes, even when I am sick!). The next day I could barely MOVE!

I should say that I still feel quite negative about Christmas this year, to the point where I almost feel sick when I hear Christmas carols played at the shops (Thomas and I listened to Michael Jackson's Thriller CD while we put up the tree!), but I did feel SO much better to at least be organised. I am someone who gets very anxious if I leave anything to the last minute and knowing that almost everything is bought, wrapped and ready to go is a great feeling. I have even got Thomas's birthday presents, and will wrap them and hide them away as soon as I get a "Thomas-free" moment so that if I am in hospital on his birthday, all Andrew needs to do is to grab the bag of pressies and bring the lot to the hospital. I also got a present for Katelyn to give Thomas (I had to choose on her behalf - LOL!), and one for him to give her (he chose some rattle socks and dictated what he wanted written on the card). Whew!

I am pretty sure that Katelyn has moved position again. One night around 2am after one of my many visits to the bathroom, I was trying to get back to sleep and then I felt this almighty kicking, rolling, tugging and punching. It sounded like she was moving house or something! It went on for some time and the next morning when I felt my tummy I could no longer feel her head on the left and her bottom on the right. I THINK she might be head down now and when I went to the GP this week to check on my chest, she thought the same thing - as long as she is head down by the birth I really don't mind though. I REALLY want to avoid a C-section if I possibly can - I am such a wimp with surgery and I can't imagine being able to care for a newborn plus Thomas after such major surgery. I know that other women manage, but I am not that tough!

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I have no idea how I am supposed to keep on growing! I am only 5'4'' tall so there is only so much torso to take up! LOL! I already feel her up under my ribs (and the pain is REALLY bad) and think that if my uterus keeps rising by 1cm per week it will be up to my neck in no time! One good thing is that my weight gain has slowed down to more manageable levels. I have been putting on about a pound per week for the past month or so now (a bit less actually) and if it doesn't get any worse than that my total gain will be much like what I gained with Thomas (I gained about 31 pounds in the 36 weeks of his pregnancy: at 28 weeks this pregnancy I have gained a total of about 20 1/2 pounds). I guess I can cope with that! I am looking forward to being able to lose some weight and bleaching my hair again though after the birth. I want to look like myself again, whatever that means . . . (well, actually, I would like to look like someone else, maybe Claudia Schiffer, but you know what I mean!)

One really great thing about being this far into the pregnancy is that I know there isn't THAT much longer to go, and also that if I were to go into labour now, Katelyn would have a chance of survival. Of course, I am hoping and praying that she will wait until at least the 37 week mark to make her grand entrance. I actually predict that I will go into labour at exactly the 37 week mark, which is February 1st. We will see what happens! I might well be eating my words when I hit the 42nd week! I think I will make sure I am "ready" by around week 33 or so (bag packed, car seat in etc), just in case. I was SO glad I had put all those towels down on the bed at 35 weeks when I was expecting Thomas - when my waters broke, they BROKE! LOL! We would have needed a new mattress!

I was hoping to wait until I was feeling 100% before taking my diabetes screen, but as I needed to have that done by the end of this week and I obviously was not going to be completely recovered by then I went and did it anyway. The drink wasn't as bad as I had remembered thankfully and Thomas even played quite nicely during the wait (thank goodness for small miracles!). I did feel a little bit "off" that afternoon though and had very flushed cheeks - I guess my body just isn't used to having that big a slug of sugar in the one go. Katelyn went absolutely berserk - I think if I had been doing a kick chart I would have got the 10 kicks in about 30 seconds or so. I haven't got the results back yet but am hoping it will all be okay. I REALLY don't want to have to do the 3-hour test, nor of course go on a special diet.

Talking about special diets, I can't tell you how much I am LONGING for a can of diet coke and a nice ham sandwich! LOL! Of course it is SO worth it to take care avoiding listeria and other problems during the pregnancy, but oh boy it is so hard to resist! Especially with Christmas coming up when my Mum always buys a leg of ham I will probably be drooling as I watch everyone else eat! (They might have to put me in another room!). It will also be a bit tricky as often at family gatherings at this time of year there is cold chicken and pre-prepared salads, both of which are definite listeria risks. Oh well, there is always bread and water . . .

Something quite exciting happened one day this week! I am not quite sure why I did it, but I decided to gently squeeze one of my breasts - a couple of drops of colostrum appeared! Now I know that it is not at all necessary to be able to do this in order to breastfeed successfully (it never happened with Thomas's pregnancy and he STILL nurses occasionally), but it was quite a buzz nevertheless! It kind of brought home the reality that in a few months I will be nursing my little baby. This would have to be one of the things I am looking forward to the most. To me, breastfeeding is probably the most enjoyable part of mothering and I can't wait to be able to have little Katelyn nursing from me.

I am quite shocked that I am STILL sick, after 2 1/2 weeks and numerous drugs. I definitely did speak too soon a few weeks ago when I said my immune system was working well! At least I am ever so gradually starting to get over it so I am thankful for that. Well, I'm getting there! Only 12 weeks to go - probably less I think. My little girl is growing every day and I am so excited about meeting her face to face.

Pregnancy Week By Week Guide, Week 28

week 29  |  Week 27
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