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Heather's Pregnancy Journal

Week 16
~ A Dramatic Reaction to Disappointment

April 9, 2002

Who would have ever thought one could be so disappointed about a delayed doctor's appointment? As a self-proclaimed procrastinator, I am generally very pleased about putting off any visit to any doctor, but this time I'm so sad. Dr. F's office just called and had to move my next appointment to April 22nd. That means 11 more days of waiting! Eleven more days of agonizing over hearing our baby's heartbeat! ARRGGHH! I told the receptionist that I was disappointed to change the appointment. She immediately said, "Are you having problems? Is there anything that might be wrong?"

I wanted to say, "No, you dope-some of us are just excited about hearing a baby's heartbeat for the first time!" But the polite me took over, unfortunately, and I just told her we didn't get to hear the heartbeat last time, and I was probably overly anxious to hear it this week.

Of course, her answer was, "But you got to do a sonogram, didn't you?"

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Boy. She missed the point. I wonder how many children she has?

Jeez. Eleven more days. Whine, moan, cry, sob, gripe, stomp my feet. (This is me having a temper tantrum. You should see it-it is quite amusing.) I think I've even lost my appetite-which is a REALLY BIG DEAL FOR ME. I think I'll take a day off from work and drive two hours to visit my sister (an emergency room nurse) so that she can perform Doppler. I wish I could go back to my old job and plead to use the sonogram machine, but I'm afraid that might be a bit presumptive. I don't want to offend anyone, although I probably have a good excuse for it.

What if there is something wrong? What if our GB is not doing well? What if…? The agony is overwhelming. I never thought I'd be just like all the other people I make fun of. Guess I better stop laughing at all the worrywarts in the world, as I have become one!

So, perhaps in another YEAR (okay, just seems that long) I will actually get to hear the heartbeat, and actually get to write about it.

April 12, 2002

If you are not a co-worker, you can keep reading. All co-workers stop now.

I just talked to my sister and we made plans for me to drive down for her to perform Doppler on me. If a sonographer is available, I may get to see GB again! Yippee!

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