Week 17 ~ December 16, 2003
~ Back to Work
I have added yet another part time job to my list of duties! I used to work at an accounting software company until Ethan was born, and they have re-hired me part-time (25 hours per week). I started yesterday, and it will be nice to bring in some steady income. All of my other part-time jobs are sales or based on commission, so it is nice to have a set hourly job. For now, my mom is taking care of Ethan until Steve passes his Master Electrician's test. We had a pretty big disappointment last week in that Steve did not pass the test the first time. But he has worked his butt off this week studying and he takes the test Thursday - so hopefully, we will go out for a celebration dinner Thursday night!
So far, this has been the most stressful time during the pregnancy. Money is tight, tension is high and the weather is freezing! I had been trying to keep Ethan quiet so Steve can study, but it just wasn't working, so we spent most of last week at my mom's bed & breakfast. This week is not much easier, but with me working in the afternoons, it gives Steve a while where he can have some peace and quiet. Unfortunately, on my way to work Saturday night, I tapped the bumper of the car in front of me (the light turned green and I thought he went, and I wasn't paying attention), so all the money I earned will go towards getting his bumper repainted. But maybe he won't get it repainted! It was just a tiny scratch from my license plate.
We had a family get-together last weekend, and everyone commented that I don't look pregnant and that I should be showing more because this is my second baby. I know the growth is normal (the fundal height of my uterus is mid-way between my pubic bone and my belly button), but I still can't help worrying. And I haven't felt any consistent movement that I can be absolutely sure is the baby.
I guess my biggest fear is the unknown. What if something is wrong with the baby and we won't know until birth because we aren't having an ultrasound? What if something goes wrong during the pregnancy or delivery? I know we can't focus on the "what if's" but I know now that our faith is being tested. We can't make it through the next few months or days or even hours without having faith that God will take care of us. But it is a very easy thing to say - and a much harder thing to do.
I keep trying to enjoy each day - but it's hard to do when I'm so busy. Ethan is starting to walk. He took a few steps last Friday night - of course, I was working and I missed it. But he is doing more and more each day. I feel like I am just trying to stay afloat with laundry and cleaning and cooking and grocery shopping! Steve is a huge help with Ethan, but I just don't trust him to wash clothes.
Have a great week!