Sixteen Weeks, 5 Days ~ June 21, 2004
~ The dwarves have moved in . . .
Cranky, Weepy, Moody, Dopey, and Pukey, that is. The pregnancy dwarves. I'm sure there are some others still on their way, too.
I started getting morning sickness again. I'd heard of women getting it back, I just didn't think I was going to be one of them.
Ugh. Nothing like throwing up in the morning again. But at least it is just MORNING sickness this time, mostly. Okay, maybe 2 out of 3 instances it is morning. It hits suddenly (like with Brendan's pregnancy), I go throw up (and try not to pee myself at the same time - I throw up HARD!), and then I'm mostly fine the rest of the day. Mostly. Except my appetite is usually gone.
In addition to the Pukey dwarf, Brendan has been having huge tantrums. I feel bad for him, but he picks things that cannot be fixed to freak out over. I end up starting with Cranky the dwarf, and end up hanging with Weepy the dwarf when all else fails. Like when he was freaking out so bad in the middle of the night that I had to take him downstairs, and then he still couldn't stop, and trying to help only made it worse. and when I cried for lack of anything useful to do, he got even more angry (but he did soon calm down and fall asleep on my shoulder after that, poor little punk.).
Weepy stuck around a lot - To top off the week, three of the four feral kittens that we've been trying to prep for 'rescue' (two very adoptable, the other two unlikely) died this week. I ran over one, and the other two were hiding in my car's engine. Fan death, not pretty. Gabe found the first one, and saw the others, too. When you are pregnant, you cry at anything in the first place. I'd have cried over killing three absolutely adorable kittens even not pregnant. Even more knowing that my kids were starting to really get excited over helping a few of them find homes, AND to top that off, having Gabe find the one with its mother crying and licking it. but pregnant? Ugh. I went and cried to one of the other moms at work. Fortunately, the kids handled it better than I did. Will buried the one non-road-flattened kitten behind the garage, where they had spent a lot of their time. Gabe was sad, but that's it. Brendan barely seems to have noticed.
My patience has been a bit on the low side. I'm moody, irritable, and I can feel my fuse being short, I just can't STOP it.
Mutter, grump. Oh, right, there's that Moody the dwarf. Often found with Cranky.
I see the commercials for Estroven (a phyto-estrogen supplement for menopause), and think. gee, no more hot flashes? No more fuzzy brain? No more moodiness? Can I have some? PLEASE???? Sigh. Not for use in pregnancy. Just have to live with not remembering things I was just told about. Dopey and me, we're getting to be best buds.
I am finally back working on my book again, too. I've started to feel up to it again. My blood sugar is pretty stable (as long as I'm careful not to overdo any high-glycemic foods - I'm already heading into the other end of it, pushing my blood sugar too high instead of letting it fall too low). and I'm not as exhausted as I was. All good things. So I started working on my next chapter. only, I realized that writing THIS journal has kind of made me re-think how I'm arranging things and doing things for this book. Like, I think using these journal entries might well work better as jumping off points for a lot of the topics, even if I don't use them all. Smaller chunks that way - less of a HUGE BIG LONG THICK POTENTIALLY-BORING OVERWHELMING MASSIVE CHAPTER thing. That last chapter I sent out. oof. I think it needs to be three. No, maybe six. That might make it usable. Sigh.
Writing is hard work some days. Rethinking something I thought was a great idea isn't fun. But it is usually worthwhile as an exercise, even if I decide against it. Being moody doesn't make it easier, though. Moody the dwarf, wanna have lunch on Tuesday? You can help me figure out what I want to do when I grow up, too. Then I can mope about how long that will take to happen. Sigh.
I'm emotionally tired, right now. Between the tantrums and the kittens, not to mention Gabe's endoscopy coming up next week. well, no wonder I'm not a lot of laughs.
But I'm still pregnant, and I look it.
Plus, I've got the dwarves to prove it.