Week 26 ~ November 9, 2003
~ Unconditional Understanding
I think I've now experienced what it feels like to be a locomotive train, totally headed one direction with a limited stopping ability, only . . . as an emotional train. "I'm sorry," has been practically my mantra this past week to my poor husband. He's so gracious and understanding but with a few busy weeks behind us and more ahead, it would be great if I could make more of our time together as limited as it is. I can even feel myself falling into the 'train-mentality' but I can't stop myself . . . it is so weird! It's one of those pregnancy-moments that I have to ask for help beyond myself, I wish that was easier. Thank goodness I married a man that is so dedicated to helping me communicate how I feel.
On a happier note, for the first time ever I bought baby bedding this week! My first real baby-purchase this pregnancy consisted of a toddler quilt, matching crib bumper and sheet and an extra sheet - it was so much fun to dream up and purchase parts to a new baby room. I feel like the all-American-Mom! (This time I tried to make it a little more age-crossing so it isn't too baby-ish so that I'll have to change it in a year or two to something older). I was thinking last time that Logan would co-sleep with us but he hated it and wouldn't sleep so we threw together a crib and bedding that had been given to us second-hand. It ended up matching but this time being able to put it together was great. Even if the baby will end up sleeping with us for a while or a long time, they will have their own room to play in, etc. We still don't have the room finished out *at all* (it is still bare studs) but I've told Evan quite a few times already that we have less than three months to get it done. From experience last time, knowing it isn't finished (and not having a place to put the baby's things) is stressful and will weigh on my mind until it's done. Who wants to worry about that? Short of doing it myself (and I know a little but there is NO way I'm that talented!), I may have to light a small fire under my husband.
We've been pretty busy facing a lot of projects with the seemingly same deadlines. We just recently became owners for the first time of a very tiny rental and are working through finding a renter and all that entails; my husband is playing guitar for a concert of a friend and has yet another practice for that this week; he is continuing to pursue his dream of music by writing, recording, etc. a few times a week; we are needing to finish out our basement by painting trim, doors, putting in our French doors so we have a real bedroom, put up a stair banister and of course the baby's room. It seems like a lot - and broken down into the time frame that we honestly have, it is. We were talking about it tonight at dinner though, and have been blown away. All of these deadlines aren't just 'projects to finish' or 'weights', they are dreams coming to pass. The significance of that kind of hit us as we thought of another year almost over. It's been my dream to finish our basement so we could use both levels of our house, since we moved in 2 years ago - and here we are just months from it! It's hard to believe. Another baby? My deepest heart-dream that only God knew . . . and surprise! We have another wonderful blessing due just months from now - how did we get to be so blessed? It brings tears to my eyes to realize that I've never had to once ask God for any of these things, He has just known. For the 100-millionth time in my life I am grateful for that kind of love and understanding that I am so far from understanding.
For baby news, s/he has been active, active, active . This week others have been able to see arms and legs poke out and ripple by. I took a bath this week and the baby was actually making the water ripple with his/her movements! Sometimes it seems almost un-human , , , someone alive moving on their own under my skin, and of course I love every minute. The baby reached my ribs this week however and that's a new thing for me - Logan never kicked my ribs for some reason but I can tell by the power and activity of this baby that this might just be a not-so-comfy new experience. We have been sleeping a lot better this week and I also started taking extra iron because I've felt anemic. I think that has been helping a lot - fewer "I feel like a semi-truck ran me over in my sleep" mornings. Just for fun I did a trial-week using the glucometer I have, testing my blood sugar four times a day (first thing in the morning and 2 hours after meals). So far I have some readings that are "too high" while the other readings are great. I'll have to wait to talk to my midwife to see what she thinks about them next week. (In general, I think there should be a rule that if I need to be somewhat limiting my sugar intake that there cannot under any circumstances be a chocolate-amaretto-cheesecake in our refrigerator for 2 weeks. That constitutes as cruel and unusual punishment; do you know how many times I look at it every day?!? Cruel I say!). Well, I'm headed off to check my blood sugar and maybe have a piece of cheesecake . . . just maybe!