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Julie's Pregnancy Journal

Week 36 ~ January 21, 2004
~ Getting Excited!

It has become so real that we are almost at the end - this week was the last week before we are considered "term" and can have the baby at home. I can't believe anytime after this week we can have the baby! I have a feeling we won't have the baby until at least 38 weeks but still . . . the very real possibility makes me think, "Wow!!". Amazingly I have transitioned a little more every day from being afraid of dealing with two little ones to being somewhat excited about it and at this point, I'm looking forward to moving into this new arena of our lives. I know I'm probably at the eye of the storm and it's only a matter of time before I hit the other side of the tornado but having not been in this position before, I'm taking it one day at a time and trying to be flexible in the midst of it. I know I'm not going to be a perfect Mom (I never have been) but I'm just going to do the best I can and pray for as much grace and ability God can give me to make up for my lack. I love being a Mom so I know that this is going to be an added joy (and responsibility, work, etc. of course) . . . I think our hearts are ready to expand.

This week at my midwife appointment I talked to her about having a water birth and she lent me one of the pools she has (I have one but it's been outside since this summer and it's covered in dirt, snow and leaves . . . not really ready for use). I had to patch some holes and clean out her pool but I think now it's ready for use. I also gathered almost all of the supplies we need for the birth and put them in a bag so we're ready there also. The baby is in a good position still (still on the left) though not the least bit dropped into my pelvis. The baby's heart rate was 140 bpm at our appointment and I lost a pound (aaaagain). My blood pressure was elevated slightly but I barely got to my appointment in time so I was slightly stressed. (With Logan possibly coming down with chickenpox at anytime, I had to drop him off at Evan's work so he could watch him for my appointment . . . a little bit of a juggling act). Our midwife doesn't think we'll make it to our due date but I'm trying not to hold my breath too much; it's hard to be patient at the end as it is so it's good for me to think longer rather than shorter in terms of when the baby will come. So many fine details get finished for the baby at the end that it's not good to rush them here so patient I'll try to be (and no, it is most *definitely* not my strong point ).

We've been mulling over who is going to be with us for labor and delivery (what we've dubbed our "delivery party") this week. We initially thought we had it figured out but as the time gets closer we're realizing that (just like last time), we want to include our sisters (my twin sister and his younger sister who is pretty much his best friend) and Moms. I still don't want "the world" with me as I labor through but my best friend and Evan will need some back up at some point and we love and trust the people mentioned above (who also helped during Logan's labor). Our midwives have quite a few people due in the next few weeks so the reality that they might be later rather than earlier to our labor/delivery is there. In that respect, we realized we should probably plan accordingly. I'm actually a lot more relieved with this situation (and yes, Evan has very dutifully been reading his Birth Partner book every single day and is about 1/2 way through it. He felt bad it was stressing me out so thankfully he's brought it to work every day for lunch-reading). Do I have the best husband or what? I am feeling more confident and actually sort of looking forward to the experience . . . call me crazy! I still feel like I need all the women in my life to gather around me and believe in me, cheer me on, make me feel like I am MORE than able to do whatever needs to be done - it's both exciting and scary, this countdown. I feel fragile at times, like my confidence would be easily shaken . . . I'm trying the best I can to remain steadfast.

On the home-front, it looks as if the baby's room will be ready to paint next weekend! Amazing! The best part is my sister and best friend have that Monday off and have offered to help me paint; it looks as if it might actually come together! I've come to the point that I'll be happy if it gets done but really . . . I am ready for the baby even if not another thing comes together with that room for a while. He/she won't give a lick of a hoot if their room is painted (and considering they will sleep with us for at least a month or so, it's even more "unimportant"). See how good I'm getting at not stressing? ::laugh::

The only true complaint I have this week is that I'm still having a very hard time sleeping at night. I swear that if there isn't such a thing as "pregnancy-induced-insomnia" there should be. At this time during my pregnancy with Logan I had the same problem. I sleep very deeply when I am asleep (I am so tired) but when I wake up (on the millions of times during the night) to go the bathroom, I get nervous that it will be my "awake stint" for the night - I can't get back to sleep for at least 2.5 hours, sometimes 4! I'm not worrying or thinking really, I just toss and turn and lay there. Add to that that I am having really wild dreams when I do sleep . . . so wild that I'm still tired when I wake up! What a combination. Ugh. It's preparation for being tired with the new baby I'm sure but it's exhausting all the same.

Well I'm writing a novel so I'll close . . . . Hopefully in the next week or two we will have a birth story for you!

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