My name is Jeanette. I am 37 years old and pregnant with my third child. I have a son, 20, and a daughter, 12. My husband, Syed, and I have been married for 2.5 years. We met while I was working in West Africa on an international public health project.
It was not until this past summer at my aunt's funeral that I seriously considered the prospect of another child, despite Syed's constant pleas. Something about the meaning of life and my own mortality, swayed me. Before then, I had always thought I would adopt an African orphan--which I still might do upon our return.
This is a second marriage for both of us, resulting in an unique blended family. This is our first child together, but our fifth between the two of us. However, only my children live with us full-time.
Honestly, I have such a hard time believing that I am pregnant again. This was a planned pregnancy. I got pregnant within two months of removing my 10-year-old IUD. Although it was planned, the pregnancy itself still came as a shock. I had done some Internet research about pregnancy probabilities after long-term IUD usage and came away with the impression that we might be in for an uphill battle. Part of me resigned that I may or may not get pregnant. Then I completely forgot about the prospect of pregnancy until I woke up with my breasts extremely sore. My Dollar Tree pregnancy test revealed that I was indeed pregnant. I left the kit in the bathroom for my husband to find and left for work. He phoned screaming as soon as he saw it.
He was ecstatic phoning every member of his family one-by-one. I phoned no one. I did not even tell my children at first. I was in shock. I still needed to work through my feelings. I could not believe that we conceived so fast. Caution: take what you read on the Internet with a grain of salt! I had somehow convinced myself, based upon what I read, that this could be a 6-12 month long process.
I am still working through my feelings. Not the acceptance of my pregnancy, but just how all of this will gel together afterwards. With my other children, my life stopped until they were ready for school. I stayed home with them and they never had babysitters. Whereas, this time around I have no desire to be locked down for the next five years of my life. I feel guilty because of that, but the two of us will have to strike a balance because I do not want to be a stay-at-home mother again, not for five years anyhow--although I can concede that it is the ideal situation.
I really do not care about the child's sex. I am not particularly invested in either one. Sometimes, in my private moments I find myself "thinking" about a boy though. I correctly intuitively perceived the sex of my first two children which was later confirmed by ultrasound. However, this time around I do not feel as though it is definitely a boy as opposed to a girl. I do not want to know it in advance either. My husband does though.
This has by far been my hardest pregnancy ever. I am EXHAUSTED all the time! I take 2-3 cat naps throughout the day in order to function. My energy stores have been depleted. Before my pregnancy, I worked two jobs and studied full-time. I am now operating on a third of the energy that I used to. I brought this up during a recent visit to my health care provider and was told that my hemoglobin levels were within a normal range and nothing points to pathology. Everyone else tells me that it is my age.
Aside from the fatigue, this pregnancy is by far the most informed one I have ever had having recently trained as a nurse midwife.
I look forward to documenting my pregnancy over the next coming weeks. I regard the narrative as extremely important and beneficial for not only the intended audience of interest, but potentially therapeutic for the author as well.
Feel free to contact me with any questions and/or comments.