~ Pregnancy of My Dreams
I am feeling good these days, physically. I can finally say that I have not been as tired as I have been in the past. I still need periodic daytime naps though, but my stamina is definitely increasing. I am not my old self 100% by a long shot, but I am not sleeping the entire day away anymore.
My stomach is quite noticeable now. I wonder if it is to other people? I see it clearly. I can try to suck it in and only part of it retracts. The protrusion seemed to have happened overnight.
I have decided that I am not going to take the nursing psych position. The commute is too much (40 miles each way and my car is not in the best shape), it could be potentially dangerous if I encounter aggressive clients that need restraining, and it is unwise to place myself in situations where I may be unable to deliver effective patient care. I still have two other job interviews. Hopefully I can land one of those jobs. If not, our family is in for a serious crunch. However, always the optimist I believe that things are going to work themselves out.
I do get frustrated at myself, my husband, and the world at times though. Boggled down in financial worries, I think about the fact that I had two great jobs that I resigned from because I was so fatigued and sick. Now, I am searching and applying for crappy and lower-wage ones.
In retrospect, perhaps it was not the best time to get pregnant. Admittedly though, I had no way to foresee the events that would unfold. This is the only pregnancy that I planned yet so far from the pregnancy of my dreams. It is the last one and I was really hoping it would be the best one. I deserve better than this (every pregnant woman does). My baby deserves better than this.
Once I reconcile my expectations with my reality, I should be able to push forward.