~ Thinking of the Past
It occurred to me the other day that I spent the whole month of January sick! Yuck! The majority of the sickness had nothing to do with the pregnancy, although I did have the worst nausea I have ever had. I got the flu the week before Christmas and it didn't let go until about the third week in January. It wasn't until this week that I finally felt good! Maybe it's the old second trimester energy boost . . .
Perhaps this is a common thing for most women, but I've found myself thinking of my past pregnancies this week. I have had very uneventful pregnancies and fairly uneventful labors, for which I am truly grateful. But it seems to take f.o.r.e.v.e.r. for me to get to the active labor stage. I have always gone past the due date, with Malachi being my earliest baby at one day past his due date. Damaris has been my latest baby: she was one day shy of 44 weeks. Then Maacah and Nathaniel were eight days past, Isaac was 12 days past, and Grace was 18 days past. (although with Grace, they changed her due date back 10 days from January 10 to January 1. In reality, they should have left her due date as January 10 which would put her at 8 days past. In my mind, however, her due date was January 1 and so, she was 18 days past.)
Those days that pass after the due date are so long and taxing on me mentally. Not physically, really. Yes, of course I'm large and uncomfortable, but it's the mental realm that I struggle with during those days. I know in my mind that it's only a date, a guess at best. My history proves that. But for whatever reason when that date comes and goes with no baby, when the days pass with still no baby . . . it is so very challenging to me. Thankfully, Adam was home most of those 3 1/2 weeks of waiting for Damaris and that helped tremendously!
I suppose it seems rather silly to be thinking of all this now, at 14 weeks. But it is on my mind. For how could it not be? I don't dread labor, not at all! I just dread the days preceding it. I dread it to such an extent that there is a part of me thinking of a c-section. Not that I take major surgery lightly, for that is just foolishness. I hear of these women who elect for a c-section just for scheduling sake: either theirs or their doctors, and it just astonishes me! I have been through this surgery before and I can't imagine anyone seriously electing for it. I will admit that there is a part of me who would do this just to avoid those last days. Fortunately, the other part is strong enough to say, "What? Are you nuts?!" Plus, Adam would never allow it. He knows me. He would know it's because I'm a chicken and not because there is a medical reason for it. That's the same reason why we have never induced labor. While I would have signed on for it in my weakened mental state, desperate to get that baby born, he was strong and said, "No, you can do this and we can wait on the Lord to know when this child will be born." (When it looked like things were not going to start on their own, we did agree for an induction with Damaris. Thankfully, labor started early that morning and we never needed it.)
I find myself asking, "Where does this leave me now?". It has occurred to me that I could take the blue and black cohosh to start things. I have them in the pill form, which is not as strong as the liquid form. The cohoshes are not water soluble and take about three weeks to get into your system, so I could start taking them at about 37 weeks. (All this information I have obtained through reliable sources.) But, then the thought comes into play, "Is that really trusting the Lord?" Sure, I could take those pills and still have nothing happen, but I don't think that's quite the point. I DO trust Him. And He has carried me through all of my pregnancies and labors. I have no doubt He will do so again. So does the act of taking something to "speed things up" more to my satisfaction show that I trust Him? Or does it say the opposite?
Those are a few of my thoughts rolling around in my brain as of late. I just though I'd share them with you.
Blessings this week!