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Johanna's pregnancy journal

Week 15
~ New Midwife

I am actually a bit late posting this entry because I was hoping that I would have something to write about after my midwife's appointment today. There is very little more I can say that I haven't already said. Though, this midwife was great with me. Actually, two in the other practice were as well, it was the head midwife who refused to listen to what I was saying. The one I saw today IS the head midwife in this practice. She spent a lot of time talking with us and LISTENING to us and very little time actually checking me over physically. I suspect that is simply because I had spoken with her this morning regarding my concerns and frustrations with this pregnancy. She decided this morning that she was simply going to send me for ultrasound as soon as possible. So, she just barely glanced at me physically. I believe she merely decided that the ultrasound is going to tell her far more than a physical exam will at this point.

We have an ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. She told me to simply ask the ultrasound technician to skip the abdominal ultrasound and do it transvaginally so that we can finally get a clear picture and some definitive answers. She answered some questions about the fibroid and basically was able to tell us no more than we already knew. But, she was honest about it and was more confident that visualizing it will answer more questions. So, for now, we know nothing new and are still frustrated, but at least no worse than when we began.

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I feel like I am finally coming out of a deep, dark pit. In two previous pregnancies, I have never experienced what I've gone through his time around. The closest thing that ever came to this was the time I had mono. I've had absolutely NO energy for the last three months. There were some days I was scared I was going to fall asleep while Emily and I were the only two people at home, and how dangerous that could be for her. I can't count the number of times I actually had my mother take her just for her own safety because I couldn't trust myself with my own child. I am still nauseous so much of the time, but at least I quit throwing up finally.

My grandmother sent us a check the beginning of this week completely out of the blue. So, we took advantage of all the holiday sales and went shopping for all my baby things. We held off on buying car seats, since there is still the question of whether we will need one or two. But, we did buy a double stroller. I guess it's a good one, because Emily loves it so much she cries when we take her out of it. We took her for a test drive at Toys 'r us and she refused to get out of it. We finally made her, and boy did we break her heart! I do love it, though. I think it will work wonderfully for us.

week 16  |  week 14
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