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Julie's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 9
~ Hormones

My face looks like a pizza pie now. I have never in my life experienced this and let me tell you, it doesn't do much for one's self esteem! I asked my mother what I should do about it. Her response? Try acne treatments. No more information than that. Gee thanks for your help, darn good thing you don't charge me like you do your other patients cause I could have figured that out! So, now I feel like a hormonal teenager. Okay, perhaps there is something to the hormonal part but I gratefully let my teenage years a while ago and never want to return to them.

So, on top of feeling completely unattractive, I am heading out to go camping with my mother in law this weekend. Oh, this ought to be fun. About as much as having a toenail pulled perhaps. Tom was instructed that the only way I was going camping with her was if he warned her about the belly rubbing thing. He says that he emailed her and told her that it makes me uncomfortable and would she please not do it. Uncomfortable would be a complete understatement! I told him, if she does it this pregnancy, I may just take her hand off. It's not like I am a fertility goddess or something. Besides, there isn't a thing in the world that she could rub to get pregnant cause she doesn't have the necessary parts for pregnancy anymore. So, what is the point of rubbing my belly like it's a good luck charm? I just don't understand people! Who walks up to a stranger on the street and tries to rub their belly? I had that happen several times when I was pregnant with Emily. But, mother in law is way worse. She comes at me belly first, like it's going to make her a wish or something. My own mother and husband aren't so rude as to subject me to this, so why is she?

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Last pregnancy, she informed Tom that he was to call her the minute I went into labor because she was coming to watch. Didn't ask, just told me that since she had never seen a baby born, she was going to see her grandchild born. Ha, yeah right! Lets just say that never happened, and I still learned from my mistakes.

We started a new ritual with Emily two nights ago. Daddy helps her say goodnight to the baby before she goes to bed now. She doesn't understand it, but eventually she will. Right now, she just grins at both of us cause she is eating up the attention, as usual. She and Tom are my bright spots this pregnancy. While my mother and mother in law are already calling and trying to tell me how to do things again, they are so considerate of me. Tom is doing everything around the house. He is cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and watching Emily so that I can rest. And Emily, well she is just a sweetheart. On the rare occasions that I actually puke, she comes into the bathroom and sits down with a book while I puke. Then, when I am done, she comes and gives me a hug, as if to say everything is going to be alright. Well, she behaves that way as long as I remember to use the sink and not the toilet. If I use the toilet, then she is too darn busy trying to play in the toilet while I try to dodge her. But, you certainly cannot expect perfection from a 16 month old child. I really think she is going to make a great big sister. Though, she is already bossy and I can't imagine that giving her that sort of power position will serve me well in about 12 years or so! No one said life is perfect.

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