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Julie's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 26
~ Sleep Deprived!

This entry might be short and sweet, as I am running on three hours of sleep. Daisy's "big girl" bed is apparently taking some getting used to for her. The first night was easy; she slept the whole night not waking up once. That was definitely a fluke because the night after and last night she woke up many, many times and I had to keep getting up and walking her back to her room and settling her in bed (sometimes it would take an hour for her to go back to sleep!). Anyway, I'm trying to recover from these past few nights, and on top of that we are all (Rob, Daisy and I) also recovering from being sick. Aren't I just the happy girl? ha ha!

Pregnancy wise I'm doing pretty good; hanging in there. I am getting bigger and feeling the baby move constantly. I am wondering how much he'll weigh. Daisy was 8 pounds, 4 ounces but she was two weeks late. She would have probably weighed in the low 7 pound range if she had been early. People have asked me if I'm expecting another "big" baby. I never considered Daisy big, but I guess she was a pretty good size. My brother keeps joking that his son is "always" going to have the title of biggest baby at birth in our family (he weighed 9 pounds at birth), and keep daring me to have a bigger one, like that's in my control, ha ha! I'm kind of hoping Nicholas is bigger so I can put my brother in his place! :)

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I am also getting to that point where I eat just a small amount of food, and I'm absolutely stuffed. But, then again, it doesn't take much time before I'm famished again. Middle of the night bathroom trips are also becoming more and more frequent, oh joy!

I had a really good conversation with my friend Nathalie the other day. She is pregnant too, and due in April. I was complaining about how uncomfortable I'm starting to feel, and she just said, "I HATE being pregnant!" (she has been having really horrible migraines almost every week, and is having trouble working because of it). Sometimes I feel like the only one who feels this way, and that I'm a freak of nature. We just went on and on about our ailments and how we can't wait until our babies come. I was not expecting that from her. She had an ectopic pregnancy about 8 years ago and had been trying almost a year before getting pregnant this time. Which brings me to something I've been feeling guilty about. I have been very honest in my feelings that I cannot wait until my baby comes, not only because I can't wait to hold him and see what he looks like,and give him a million kisses on his cute little mouth, but because I am just so darn uncomfortable being pregnant these days. I have made no secret that I'm not one of those women that loves everything about being pregnant, although I wouldn't change it for the world, because I know just how lucky I am to be able to be pregnant in the first place . . . and that brings me to my feelings of guilt. Sometimes I think I should just keep my complaints to myself because after my two miscarriages, I am all too aware of the fact that being able to get pregnant and to carry a baby to term is a huge miracle, one that shouldn't be taken lightly; therefore I go through this struggle of "I should be happy regardless" to "I should be able to complain just like any other pregnant woman!" It just felt good to be able to complain without feeling guilty, as I know my friend has gone through a loss and doesn't feel the need to hide her true feelings.

Did that just make *any* sense? Ha ha! I am so seriously sleep deprived that I have no idea if I am writing anything that is the tiniest bit coherent.

Okay, I'll stop rambling now, and go take a nap with my little Daisy, who is fast asleep herself.

See you next week :)

Pregnancy Week By Week Guide ~ Week 26

week 27  |  week 25
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