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Julie's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 32
~ Reality is Knocking

What a great week!! I had an OB appointment on Friday and was pleasantly surprised because I got to have another ultrasound! It was a routine appointment; my doctor measured and weighed me (yikes!) and listened to the heartbeat. The only question I had was regarding this pain I'm having in my "groin" area that I mentioned last week and she said it is very common because my pelvis is "loosening" up in anticipation of the delivery. I asked why I didn't have it last time and she said that every pregnancy is different, and it also may be how he is laying. I hesitate to say this, because I always jinx myself, but the pain has eased up a lot since last week, thank God. Then she looked in my file and said that she wanted to check the amniotic fluid because last time (unbeknownst to me) it was borderlining on the low end, and she just wanted to be cautious and make sure it hadn't gone down any from two weeks ago. Fine with me! I love getting a peek at the little guy! I couldn't believe how much bigger he has gotten in just two weeks! I could totally see his facial features and he has the cutest little nose and lips! The tech was the same one that told me he was a boy, and she took lots of extra pictures so that I could take them home to add to my collection. You should see our refrigerator! It's covered with ultrasound pictures, hee hee! The most important thing was that she checked the fluid and it was the same as two weeks ago, so everything was fine. I wasn't really worried about it because my doctor made it seem like it was not a big deal. I love that about her . . . even if she really *is* worried about something she never lets it show, and I can't tell you what a comfort that is to me. I'm a huge worrier when I'm pregnant,and she is just a huge comfort to me.

We still haven't picked a date for the c-section. I go back in two weeks (the Monday after Thanksgiving, oh great! I'm sure my weight will be out of control after all the stuffing and turkey I will eat!!) for my next appointment, and I think I'm going to ask her if we can pick a date, as I am trying to coordinate Christmas with my family and need to know if I'll be in the hospital or not. I have "tentatively" agreed to have Christmas at our house; yes, I know I am crazy for even considering it, but I really want to have my family around during the holidays and know that if I deliver a week before Christmas, there is no way we'll be driving up to Santa Barbara like we usually do. It will just be easier for my family to come to our house, and they all know that I won't be doing much of anything in terms of being a "hostess". Luckily Rob will do all the cooking and I'm sure my sisters-in-law will do the cleaning, so all I have to do is recuperate . . . I think I can handle that, ha ha!

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My shower was on Saturday and was SO much fun! I had a co-ed one and I really prefer that type of shower to the "traditional" all women kind. It was fun to see the guys getting into all the "baby" stuff. I told my friends who were hosting it, "NO games!" but did they listen? Of course not. It turned out to be a blast and everyone had a great time. The guys were getting really competitive during the games. It was cracking me up. I got a lot of cute stuff and was practically in tears when I opened up the newborn clothes! I cannot believe how small the little onesies and socks are!! They are so cute! I ate a LOT of food that day and was exhausted when it was over. It lasted a lot longer than I was expecting, but it was so fun I didn't want it to end. Three of my friends that were there are pregnant; two of which are due the same week as me! We are all going to the same hospital too. I think it hit all of us at the end of the day that we only have a few weeks left, and that night when I was laying in bed, I was like, "Oh my God! I cannot believe I'm doing this again!!" Reality has definitely hit me over the head. I felt a mixture of fear and excitement and could barely sleep. What is interesting is that I'm a LOT more nervous this time than I was last time. I was telling my friends this and they said, "But you've done this before!" (they are having their first children) and I said, "This may sound weird, but it's scarier to me this time because I know what to expect!" It's kind of like sky diving. When I was 22 I went sky diving for the first time and was SO excited and a teeny bit nervous. Well, after I actually did it, I was like, "Oh my God! that was the most exciting, SCARIEST thing I've ever done!" A few months later a friend of mine wanted me to go with her again and I couldn't do it. I was too scared. I knew what to expect and I knew what happened, and I couldn't do it again. Does that make any sense? It's like the first time you are so overwhelmed with excitement and anticipation that you don't really feel that nervous, but the second time the excitement lessens and the nerves are totally frayed! Do I sound crazy or what? hee hee!

The next day was my friend's shower and when I saw her she goes, "I'm sweating!" It is hilarious that it hit us at the same time that we are actually having babies next month! Hello! We've only been pregnant eight months and now we get it?? Talk about denial! Anyway, it was a great weekend and now all I have to do is get through the next few weeks at work and then I'm off for a week. Then it's time to see this little boy!!

'Til next week :)

Pregnancy Week By Week Guide ~ Week 32

week 33  |  week 31
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