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Julie's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 33
~ Sleep Deprived

Didn't I just write an entry?? Geez, this past week just flew by. This is going to be a short and sweet one because I am barely awake . . . we have a house full of sickies, unfortunately. Daisy has had a horrible cold and cough for two days and hasn't slept well. Then Rob got it. Now I have it. I got very few hours of sleep last night and almost fell asleep at work today! Yikes.

Other than us all being sick, nothing else much happened this week. The baby has been much more active the past few nights, so much so that sometimes he kicks so hard I wake up. I am feeling O.K., but am getting very anxious because he will be here soon, and I still have days where I say to myself, "How am I going to do this?!?" The only reasoning that makes me calm down is when I realize that many, many women have two children under two and everything will be fine. Daisy is still at the stage where I rock her to bed at night, and although I know I *could* just put her down to "cry it out", I don't want to do that, and besides, I enjoy rocking her, after working all day and missing her, I consider it "our time". However, last night when I got up to rock her for about the third time (that is not usual, it was because she was sick) I had a mini-panic attack and yelled at Rob, "you KNOW, I'm NOT going to be able to rock two babies at the same time!!!!!" See, Rob has "issues" with rocking (my words, not his). This has gone on since she was born. He seems to be under the impression that only I can rock her to sleep. When I press him on it, he goes on to say he doesn't "know how to rock" her. Huh?!? How does one NOT know how to use a rocking chair?? After I question him about that, he ends with, "She only wants you to rock her!". Sigh!!! I used to get really mad at him when he wouldn't rock her, but it turns out a friend of mine (Hi Elizabeth! hee hee) has a husband who says the same exact things, so maybe it's just a guy thing?! I have to say, Rob helps me tremendously in every other area with her, so I have learned not to get upset over that anymore. It's just last night, I was thinking, "what if they are both sick and need to be rocked at the same time?" It's crazy the things you think of at 4am rocking your sick baby.

In three days, it's Thanksgiving and hopefully we'll all be healthy by then because we have plans to go to Santa Barbara to stay with my oldest brother and sister-in-law. I can't wait to see my two nephews and niece. Oh . . . and eat!! I have gotten to the point where I can only eat a little at a time, though. I guess that's a good thing, considering how much I've gained, LOL! (and no I'm not telling!). This will be our second Thanksgiving without my mom, and I really miss her. Since I am so sleep deprived, I can't remember if I mentioned that she passed away very suddenly when I was 7 months pregnant with Daisy (she had breast cancer). Anyway, the holidays are a little bittersweet now, but it definitely helps having little kids running around. I just found out my other sister-in-law is pregnant, so that means there will be seven kids in our family, and only six adults. Christmas should be a lot of fun!!

Til next week :)

Pregnancy Week By Week Guide ~ Week 33

week 34  |  week 32
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