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Julie's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 8
~ Name Game

This week has been a roller coaster! I have been really emotional lately and have been getting upset over the smallest things, which is so unlike me. I am usually a very laid back person. I am blaming all my crazy behaviour on these pregnancy hormones, ha ha! Rob is so good, he just rides out my insane moments until they pass.

I have noticed already how different this pregnancy is compared to my last one in terms of how much I am focusing on it. With Daisy I was consumed with my pregnancy, and read every day about what was going on with my body and my baby. I knew exactly how far along I was at all times, how many weeks, and days. This time, I am so incredibly busy with Daisy, not to mention work and trying to keep the house semi-clean that I really have to think about what week I'm in. I have conflicting feelings about this. On one hand I think it's a good thing because with my last pregnancy I was so hyperattentive to it; I was aware of every little cramp, twinge and although I was concentrating hard on being positive and knowing our baby would be O.K., it was still stressful. On the other hand, I feel guilty because I haven't focused all my energy on this baby as I did with Daisy. Does that make any sense? Geez! Mommy guilt is starting before this one is even born, ha ha! I just have to remember I am going to love this baby as much as I love Daisy and that is what's important.

Rob and I have already discussed names, or should I say started arguing about names....yikes! This one is going to be tough. With Daisy I had the name all picked out since I was a teenager. I have no idea where I got it, I have never known or met anyone named Daisy; it's just a name that has always stuck with me, and I always knew that if I had a daughter that would be her name. Luckily, Rob liked it too. we are tossing out names to each other and each of us is looking at each other going, "eww, NO!". There is not one name we agree on. We have a tentative agreement that if it's a boy Rob can pick the name but I have veto power, and if it's a girl I can pick the name but he has veto power. This sounded good originally, but now I am pretty sure we are both going to veto each other's names, and I have this horrible feeling our baby is going to be born without a name and remain that way for life. Okay, a little dramatic, but our tastes are completely opposite of one another. For example, the girl's names I like are Lily, Elizabeth, and Anabelle. He likes Sabrina and Tabitha (do I sense a witch theme?) for boys mine are Cole, Jack and Bailey. He likes Anthony. That's it...just Anthony. I'm scared. Do you see what I'm dealing with here? Every day I throw out another name, "honey, what about _____" reply, "I don't THINK so!" Sigh. The only good thing about this, is that we've started discussing it pretty early and are not doing this at the end of my pregnancy, so we have some time.

I have been debating whether to write about this (dare I say it??) because I am fully aware that I may jinx myself by saying this, BUT yesterday morning I woke up and had no nausea and that lasted almost all day until late in the afternoon when I ate something and then felt slightly queasy afterward, then today was the same; the nausea was there but not first thing in the morning like usual and when it did come it wasn't as bad as it has been! I am really praying that this means the morning sickness is now tapering off. I can't begin to tell you how happy that would make me. I started crying at one point last week when I woke up and immediately felt sick. It is so hard to start your day out positive when you feel so bad. Anyway, I am keeping my fingers crossed that this continues!

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