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Julie's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 9
~ The Joys of Pregnancy

Okay, let me start this entry off by saying that I completely jinxed myself when I said the nausea was tapering off! (how did I know that would happen?!?) I'm sure you are all tired of reading about this, but it is what I'm experiencing, unfortunately. I'm sick all the time again, but it's almost like I've learned to live with it. I actually try to forget that I feel sick to my stomach, but what happens is that as soon as I walk in the door at work the very first thing my boss says to me every single morning is "How do you feel???" all cheerful, and I'm so tired of having to say, "sick" that today I just said, "I can't even talk about it anymore". Hopefully that will do the trick and I won't have to answer that question anymore. Pretty much the last thing you want people to ask you is "how are you feeling" when you constantly feel ill.

Apparently today was "Make Rude Comments to Julie About Her Pregnancy Day" but nobody warned me and I really wish they had! Most of my friends and people at work have been really supportive, but today I got THREE upsetting comments that made me really angry. One of my really good friends has been out of the country and just got back today so when she called and asked how I'd been, I told her. Her first reaction was a pause and then, "oh . . . really?" in this totally flat tone of voice. So I said, "yes really!" and she goes, "well . . ." pause, "congratulations, I guess. I mean, are congratulations in order?" Oh my God! I didn't even know what to say!! After a very long pause on my part I said, "YES they are 'in order'" in a disbelieving tone, like, how can you be so clueless? Noticing that I was irritated she then tried to backtrack and say that it was just so soon and all. Apparently she's not the only one that thinks I am having another so soon. I told two clients today because I have known them for a long time and felt comfortable sharing the news. The first thing that came out of their mouths was.."OH! Was it planned???" I don't understand this question! What if I said it wasn't??? Who cares? What I find really strange is that some people are acting like Daisy is only 12 days old instead of 12 months old. On top of all of this, the accountant at work asked me how far along I was and when I said 9 weeks, he goes, "Oh! and I can see you're showing already!" I didn't even have the energy to get offended at that because this guy is notorious for saying the most inappropriate things to people. Apparently his mother never taught him the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all". I think I should have stayed in bed today!

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The thing that is hard to accept is that that guy is right; I am pretty sure I am showing already. My friends say they can't see a difference, but I really can. It's like as soon as I found out I was pregnant, my belly just relaxed and started sticking out; it's amazing. They say with your second pregnancy you show sooner than your first but this is way earlier than I was expecting! If this continues I will be in maternity clothes in a couple of weeks. This is one aspect of pregnancy I truly dislike. I don't like going to the doctor's and seeing how much weight I've gained. I know that it is for a good cause, but I still have trouble with it. My usual weight is 125, and the day Daisy was born I weighed 190. Yes that is 65 whopping pounds I gained. Yikes.

What is funny (well I think it's funny now, but when it happened it was so far from funny it's not even funny. Okay, see how loopy I get after 7pm?). Anyway, I got to the point with my last pregnancy that I didn't even want to know how much I weighed but of course, I still looked when the nurse weighed me. It was like a car crash; I just HAD to see. What exacerbated my weight gain was I was put on bedrest at 37 weeks due to high blood pressure. I truly wasn't eating more "bad" foods (with the exception that I did have dessert every night, and that is unlike me, but I didn't gorge myself). I was really trying to watch myself, but every time I got on the scale, I would be shocked at how much I gained from the previous month (and bless my doctor who didn't make one comment about it! I would have been mortified.) Well, here's the funny part. Rob came with me to every single doctor appointment, and when they went to weigh me, I made him stand far away so he couldn't see what the scale said. Call me crazy, but it bothered me that I could possibly weigh more than him! He couldn't care less and thought I was being silly, but being the smart man that he is, didn't dare try to argue about it. I was successful in hiding my weight the entire 9 months. He kept trying to get me to tell him and would throw out guesses that were completely wrong. Well, on the night we went in to be induced (Daisy was two weeks late so I was induced), we checked in and the nurse was asking me all these questions; address, occupation, medical history, and all that fun stuff, and then I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom. While I'm in there I hear her ask Rob, "how tall is she?" and he answered, and then she said, "how much does she weigh?" and he goes, "umm . . . I think about 160. I was sitting in the bathroom going, "I can't BELIEVE this!!!" For a split second I thought maybe I wouldn't say anything, but then I thought, "what if they under-medicate me because my weight is off?" (I was already planning to have my epidural, and I really wanted it to work! ha ha). So, reluctantly I came out of the bathroom, and there was no way out of it. Rob was sitting right there; I said, "umm . . . I'm actually 190, and Rob about fell out of his chair! I was so mad that I had made it that far, and it all fell apart the very last day! Of course now I think it's hilarious, but then I just wanted to crawl under a rock.

Oh, the joys of pregnancy!

Pregnancy Week By Week Guide ~ Week 9

week 10  |  week 8
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