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Julie's Pregnancy Journal

Week 15
~ Emotions Running Amok!

Unfortunately Iíve been the type of person in my life to be rather closed off emotionally. Iím not sure at what point I decided that was a good idea, but I was painfully shy when I was a little girl and my twin sister talked for me well through most of grade school and so on. I almost came to the point as a young adult of having some pride in the solid exterior I had. I would most certainly feel things in my heart quite strongly (as honestly I feel happens with most people with a tough exterior), but I prided myself on not showing it.

Iím afraid pregnancy has (in increasing measure each time) softened me up so much that it takes me off guard, the emotions, the soft exterior and the tears on the surface. Itís hard to be so used to operating one way and have another take over with no warning. And that it gets worse each time, what is that about? Itís not horrible, but itís certainly disconcerting, though in the same measure Iíd say Iím grateful for such a *nice* way of working such things out.

Itís not crying at commercials I get, but feeling so deeply for someone I read about in the newspaper that lost a child, or for the characters in a TV show (yes, itís sad, but true). Empathy training, thatís what pregnancy is for me.

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Aside from really sappy emotions, Iím gaining what seems to be about one pound a week as of late and Iím 8 lbs up from my pre-pregnancy weight. This is good news! I just wish the skinny-mentality that society has didnít creep in there too. Luckily my Mom instilled some great body image into my sister and I and weíre rather stable as self-worth goes re: weight and such, but itís always just a little worrisome to watch the scale read up each time. Perhaps I should just not step on it anymore. Hmmmm, Iíll have to consider that in further detail, it might be something I only do once a month because in this season of my life gaining is in the best interest of all our well being.

On another note, I told someone this week that Iím due in June and she told me, ďOh, youíre barely pregnant thenĒ. Ummmmm, to which body is she referring to?? No offense, but being 16 weeks doesnít feel like barely pregnant to me! In 4 weeks Iíll be half way through (and really, a bit less than that possibly as I have my babies a wee early typically) this doesnít feel like Ďbarely pregnantí. Donít you just LOVE other peopleís perception of your body, pregnancy or life choices?

Until next week . . .

Blessings,

~ Julie

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