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Karin's Trying to Conceive Journal

Entry #6 ~ July 9, 2001
~ Great News!

Wow, long time, no write! We have successfully sold and closed on our house and moved out. I really hate moving although I am getting to be a professional! This was my seventh move in five years. We are getting prepared to possibly do it again very soon. TJ has been working on relocating us, and he will be flying back East for an interview in two weeks. He's also been pursing a couple of companies in Texas, and it seems that their financing is finally starting to come in! He remarked to the CEO of one that he has been doing research on the area, and the CEO told him where would be the best places and encouraged us to start looking for a new house there! This is going to be an adventure!

We have a phenomenon that happens occasionally at The Waiting Game. It's the New House, New Baby theory. Well, guess what? It happened to me!

Today I am 5 weeks, 6 days pregnant. I've been scared to announce it, fearing another miscarriage, but I can't keep quiet any longer. I feel totally different this time, definitely not toxic like my last pregnancy. I am hoping and praying everything will be fine.

Here's the story . . . I absolutely didn't think it was my month. In fact I was convinced that I would never get pregnant. I threw away my thermometer in frustration because I accidentally forgot to turn it off one day; it was giving me very funny readings. We booked a vacation to Jamaica in December. On 12 days past ovulation, my breasts were irritating me. I can't really describe it, kind of tingly and itchy especially where the seatbelt was pressing on them. BOB got the best of me, and I tested that afternoon. The last thing I read on the instructions was "Be Patient". I expected the line immediately and of course didn't get it that fast. I went outside for a minute to get some groceries out of the van. I put them in the kitchen and came back to look at the test. There was a line! I didn't believe it and convinced myself it was probably an evaporation line even though maybe only 4-5 minutes had elapsed. The instructions said the test was good to read from three minutes until eight minutes. I ignored that and went with my rationalization.

The next morning, I tried to test with Clear Blue. I hadn't told TJ yet and was trying to be sneaky. That is very difficult when you only have one bathroom! Something happened with the stick and it was defective! Hiding my frustrations, I took TJ to work, drove to the pharmacy, waited in the parking lot for it to open, and bought an EPT and First Response Early. I came home and did the cup/dip method. There were bright, blazing lines on both of them! I almost fainted!

I told my TJ by putting a "My First Pooh" t-shirt in a gift bag that was pink and turned blue when it hit the light. I also enclosed a card from our Angel Alex. Of course TJ bypassed the card and went straight for the present. He pulled the t-shirt out of the bag and got it right away. "Are you serious?" he asked. I couldn't even talk; I was so choked up. He read the card:

Dear Daddy,

God wanted me to tell you that He is sending my baby brother or sister down from Heaven. He won't tell me if it is a boy or a girl (He said it's a surprise), but you will find out sometime around March 7, 2002.

Please take good care of Mommy and make sure she eats all her veggies.

I miss you and love you,

I could have sworn there were tears in his eyes. I was absolutely bawling by this point. He just put his arms around me, and we hugged for a very long time. I will never forget the beginning of this journey.

I'm getting teary now.

As far as symptoms, I really don't have anything that is very noticeable. No period, 4 +++ tests, slightly tender breasts. I'm also bloated and very burpy. If I weren't looking for symptoms, I would have missed them. The only foods that are appealing are beef and spicy things, and I've been feeling a tiny touch of queasiness thinking about eating anything else. I want to be sick! I know that I should be careful what I wish for, but I would gladly spend some time with my head in the toilet in exchange for reassurance!

I am pretty sure that I also have hormonal overload! I did something very unlike myself this weekend. I have been growing my hair out for the last two years. It was getting quite long, the longest I ever wore it. On Saturday morning, I decided I had had enough! I went and got it all cut off! It is now extremely short in back and just about chin length in front! Yikes, I hadn't even had a trim in over six months! It does look beautiful and TJ loves it. (He even asked me to please never grow it again!) I'm so glad I didn't wake up in the morning and regret it.

I hope this one has a much different outcome than the last time. I'm feeling a little detached, but I'm sure it's a coping mechanism for me. I'm scared and trying very hard to be positive. I had a teeny bit of spotting on 14 days past ovulation, but it was very dark brown (old blood) and went away in a few hours. Lightning doesn't strike in the same place twice, right?

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