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Karin's Pregnancy Journal

Week 12
~ Round Ligaments

We told TJ's family this week, so our pregnancy is no longer a secret. On one hand, it is great to feel free to share the news, but I kind of miss having such a wonderful, private secret just between us. His grandfather made me angry. When we were TTC (and he didn't know), he would ask me what was wrong with me that I wasn't pregnant yet. Now he told us that he is very happy, but we had better have more than one child. My eyes about popped out of my head when he said that! Be happy about this blessing! It was a long, hard road getting here! I had thought about having four children, but I don't know about going through morning sickness with a toddler several times over! We are thinking maybe two, but we reserve the right to change our minds.

After telling the family, I came to a very sad realization. Bean will not have a grandfather. Both of our fathers are alive; however, neither one of us has a relationship with them, nor would we consider starting one for the baby. My father was very verbally abusive to me, and he was horrible to my mother. He caused me way too much pain to ever go back. TJ never got along with his father, especially when his parents divorced and a stepmother entered the picture. Growing up, we lived next-door to my grandparents (mom's parents), and my grandfather was the most positive male role model that a child could have until he passed away when I was 16. I'm sad that Bean won't have a chance for that kind of relationship. Bean will have two amazing uncles, Uncle Dan (my brother) and Uncle Mat (our brother-in-law), and for that I am very glad.

I discovered what a round ligament pain is . . . OUCH! I never want to sneeze again! My goodness, that was so painful and very unexpected! They also happen when I get up too quickly, but those aren't as intense as the sneeze ones. I've been feeling a lot of stretching lately; Bean is doing a lot of growing! And I have been doing a lot of sleeping! I'm generally not a very good sleeper, but pregnancy has surely changed that. I can only laugh when I awake from nine or ten hours of sleep and need to go back for a nap in two hours!

My clothes have been fitting strangely. My bras do not fit anymore, and I really hate bra shopping. I am putting that off for a few weeks in case I grow anymore. Heather gave me the name of a shop that makes amazing cotton bras, but even with the referral, I'm not excited. Their website does look cool, though. My shorts feel weird--not tight per se, but like they don't fit my body anymore. I'm ready to start showing although I know it will be awhile longer. I have asked TJ several times if he thinks I have gained any weight (I'm not weighing in), and he keeps saying I look thinner. Thinner? No, no, no . . . this is the one time I don't want to look thinner! I know my eating habits have changed, but I'm not depriving myself. I just don't find much food appealing. My mom only gained eight pounds when she was pregnant with me (and I weighed in at 7 pounds 6 ounces!), so maybe it's genetic.

TJ and I are about to hit a rough spot financially. His work contract is over on Friday. So far, the prospects are few, especially because I would prefer to stay in the area until after Bean is born. However, if relocation is our only choice, I am not going to put up a fuss. This has happened before, and he was unemployed for three weeks--the hazards of contract work. I am praying that something happens in the next few days so that we don't have to tap into our savings and cancel our much needed vacation. I've been bombarding God with prayers as much as possible. I figure that the volume must speak loud and clear, and He isn't going to give us more than we can handle. Actually, TJ is at an interview right now that sounds very promising. He already passed the phone interview. It really scares me how unstable the economy is right now. We live in an area of great prosperity because of the computer industry, and it is so stagnant right now. The real estate market has dropped dramatically; people are stuck with huge mortgages and worthless or crashing stock. Very sad. I am so glad we sold our house a few months ago. My mom wants us to move back to my hometown, but I think she has ulterior motives. I don't think I could ever go back there. I hate the weather, and there are a few laws with which I have trouble regarding midwifery and mandatory vaccines. I do miss the food though . . . nothing like a good NY pizza!

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