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Karin's Pregnancy Journal

Week 29
~ Dreams and Chocolate

I have been running around like a madwoman this week getting ready for the holidays. I am so tired and promised myself a low-key holiday, but it didn't work out that way! I started feeling a little blue because I hadn't done any baking for us or any other preparations. I couldn't resist baking a few dozen cookies and a triple chocolate torte, making a huge roast for sandwiches, and hitting the mall to shop for our nieces and nephew. Now I think I could sleep for a week straight except for those darned potty breaks and my aching hips!

I did have a wonderful thing happen regarding chocolate. I am an absolute chocoholic, and this week, my wildest dreams came true. Last fall, TJ went to Amsterdam for business and brought me back the most delicious Belgian chocolates called Neuhaus chocolates. He had no clue that they were so good, but he bought them because he liked the way the box looked. Oh my, these are the most heavenly candies! I have been looking at ordering some over the Internet, but I hadn't yet got around to it. One day we were driving around and heard a radio commercial for this brand of candy. We were a bit puzzled and of course missed the part of the commercial where they talked about the store that sold them. The next day, we heard it again and discovered that there is a Neuhaus store in downtown Seattle! Yippee! Guess where we went that afternoon? I am so happy; I have a huge box of them. These will last me a long time-unless TJ eats them all-because eating one piece is enough as they are so rich!

I am really doubting my intuition this week regarding Bean's gender. I was at about 90% positive that he is a boy, but my dreams this week have all been girl dreams. The same little girl is in all the dreams. She is about 2 years old with long wispy brown hair and big brown eyes; she looks exactly like TJ except for her chin and coloring. She is wearing a black and white gingham checked dress with brightly colored flowers embroidered on the bodice. Sometimes the dress has sheer white puffy sleeves, and sometimes it is sleeveless. She responds to the name we have picked for a girl. I don't know what to do with these dreams. I have been so positive about him being a boy. Maybe I am wrong and my mind is trying to prepare me? I have said a few times that I won't know how to react if Bean is a girl. I honestly don't care either way. I think I would be better with a little boy because I am a true tomboy, but maybe my little girl would be a tomboy too. Hmmm . . . not much longer until I understand all this.

This week ended with Christmas Eve, and we went to mass. On the way into the church, I almost started crying uncontrollably. I had tears rolling down my face, and I could barely get out to TJ what was wrong. There was such a strong smell of incense in the entrance that reminded me of mass last year. It was just six weeks after we lost Angel Alex. There was a little baby sitting two rows up from us; I watched her all during the service and couldn't stop praying that by the next Christmas, we would have another chance. I am so grateful that my prayers were heard. We did not put up a tree this year, but we hung up the angel ornament that we bought for Alex. It is a little Classic Pooh angel. I truly believe that Alex is watching over our Bean and us.

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