~ Come and Go Nausea
Well, there is not much new to report this week. I thought that maybe the nausea was clearing up. I had two days where I felt relatively normal, and I even wanted to eat! Unfortunately, it came back. I think I must have jinxed myself by thinking I was in the clear. Oh well. Being able to eat dinner was wonderful! TJ and I went out for teriyaki one night, and I was in Heaven! I ate my whole plateful, which is rare for me. Yummy! Now I am back to the nothing appeals to me, and I know I have to eat something, stage.
I am still struggling emotionally. I am trying to undo all the defense mechanisms I set, and it is really hard work. I don't know why I had it in my head that pregnancy would be much easier than TTC. They are both hard. I know I should give myself a break. It took a long time to build the fortress around my heart. It isn't going to crumble in a day. I worry about bonding with Bean, but TJ is doing a wonderful job of that for now. He is always kissing and rubbing my belly. I figured him for the opposite because before I got pregnant, he presented himself as wanting to be distant from the whole baby in belly thing.
I made an appointment with the midwife this week. I had promised myself I would do it by eight weeks, but I was really scared. When I was pregnant with Alex, I miscarried two days after I made the appointment. More than two days have passed now . . . so far, so good. They even gave me her cell phone number and told me not to hesitate to call even though I am not officially a client. My appointment is going to be a meet and greet appointment. I thought I had decided for sure that I wanted one of the midwives who spoke at my doula training last year, but then I watched a special on PBS called "Born in the USA." It featured a different midwife who works out of the same birth center. She was awesome. We might interview her too. A bonus about the first midwife is that she is also a physician's assistant. I am low-risk, but I have a condition called "white coat hypertension." My thoughts are that as a physician's assistant, she will be familiar with my problem, and it won't be an issue. I have endured so many horrible experiences with medical professionals, starting when I was eight years old, that I freak out and stress terribly in the doctor's office. Consequently, my blood pressure reads too high. In actuality, I have very normal blood pressure; it is just the stress of being in the doctor's office. I monitor it myself weekly and know to call if it reaches a certain point, which it never has gotten near.
We just moved into this apartment a month ago, and I think we will be moving again before we move out of state! Ugh! I really hate moving (even though I am very good at it), but we have got the most inconsiderate, noisy upstairs neighbors. They are always crashing around, slamming doors, running, yelling--from 8:00am until midnight every day! Once they jumped so hard that the screen saver on TJ's laptop was turned off! We have asked them nicely to be quiet as well as complained about them three times to the management. They are still driving us crazy. (In fact, I am running the washing machine right now and can hear them pounding across the floor!) The management doesn't want to take responsibility even though it says in the rulebook that they will enforce noise laws to the point of making the noisy people move out. I am a real stickler for rules, and it makes me crazy when people in charge refuse to implement the rules. I'm sure it isn't pleasant to kick someone out of an apartment, but it comes with the job! The complex we would move to is in a very beautiful, upscale area, but the traffic is atrocious, which is why we didn't move there in the first place. Maybe something will happen with one of the out of state prospects, and we won't have to worry . . . East Coast, here we come! We have learned a lesson though . . . until we buy our next house, we only want a top floor end unit!