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Kat's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

~ Meet Kat

KatHello, my name is Kat. I am married to Craig and we have 5 living children, Austin 12, Hailey 10, Christian 8, Shaylin 5, and Jacksen 3. We also have a beautiful angel in heaven, Alexander, January 28 - March 16, 2006.

Our journey seems to have developed many twists and turns that we never could have dreamed of . . .

Craig and I met in January of 1997. At the time I had two kids from a previous relationship, Austin and Hailey. We were introduced through my mother oddly enough and through a mutual friend at the same time. When I saw him I walked up to him and asked him if I knew him from somewhere, it turns out I didn't. I now know he is my soulmate and that's why I had that immediate connection with him.

In April we moved in together, and on September 27th, 1997 we were married. On February 12, 1998 we welcomed our first child together, Christian, into the world. Then two years later we welcomed Shaylin into the world. We thought four was a great number and had decided to be done having children.

At the end of February, 2002 we were surprised to learn that baby #5, Jacksen, was on the way. We immediately decided that we were apparently far too fertile to just take chances and Craig had a vasectomy on March 1, 2002. Jacksen was born in late September and we felt our family was definitely complete.

Until . . .

About a year later we had purchased our first home of our own, Craig's job was secure, and as Jacksen grew I began to regret the vasectomy. It was a regret that grew and grew and I began researching vasectomy reversals online. Craig didn't share my feelings on it at ALL, he was most assuredly ready to be done with diapers and breastmilk bottles, but I couldn't deny the sadness that was taking over my heart. We met with a urologist at my request and he told us it would cost $6,000 up front to reverse the vasectomy with pretty low odds of success. My dreams had been shattered.

In June of 2004 I convinced Craig to see another reversal doctor I had found online. His rates were much cheaper and he boasted an 80% pregnancy rate. Craig hesitantly agreed. We met with this doctor and he answered my prayers, we could afford his price and he was confident that with our history we would be a success! Unfortunately Craig still wasn't convinced this was the right thing to do so I was again left with little hope. I worried it would destroy our marriage.

In November, the pain in my heart was so constantly there I began to pray to God to heal my heart, since it was apparent he wasn't going to change Craig's. Then one night Craig came to me and said he wanted to give me a Christmas present and handed me a baby doll and an appointment slip. He had made the appointment for the reversal! It was done on December 8, 2004.

We conceived Alex less than 6 months later. The pregnancy was very boring actually. I had no sickness; I felt GREAT! The baby was growing right on target and looked healthy as could be. We found out at 20 weeks that he was another boy.

On January 27th, 3 weeks and 5 days before my February 22nd expected due date I went into labor and delivered an apparently healthy, but tiny Alexander Norman-James. He was 4 lbs 14 oz and 17 1/4 inches long. He didn't have any "preemie" problems and the pediatrician told us we'd take him home on Monday!

Fourteen hours after his birth though, he stopped breathing in my arms and was rushed to the special care nursery. From there he was rushed to a hospital 2.5 hours south and diagnosed with a complicated heart problem, Tetralogy of Fallot with Pulmonary Atresia. Two days later he was flown by plane to the University of Minnesota where he underwent 21 hours of heart surgery in the first 8 days of his life and after many complications, he died from sepsis on March 16, 2006 at the age of 6 weeks 5 days old.

Two and a half months later we learned we were again pregnant. And so one journey has come to an end, and another is just beginning.

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