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Kat's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 19
~ T Minus 2 Days and Counting

Well, in less than 48 hours I will be at the big clinic having my ultrasound and echo. Nervous is a fitting word but an understatement to the nth degree. I'm terrified, hopeful, excited, and did I mention terrified? I know there is a very very minimal chance that the baby has a broken heart, but I have to worry about all the other stuff that can go wrong too. In the scheme of things, a heart defect is serious, but most times correctable. There are so many things that are just plain not compatible with life. Period. I try not to let myself worry but that's just simply impossible.

On the other hand, I can't wait to find out if baby is a boy or a girl. I still feel girly but who knows. My friend never finds out what her babies are and has expressed her wish that I don't either, but this time it isn't about shopping, I need these last 20 weeks or so to prepare myself if this baby is a boy. There will be so many feelings involved either way, but to have another little boy is very scary for me at this point.

The kids are finally back in school. Jack and I are enjoying the quiet during the day and the other kids are happy to be back in that school routine. Soon we will start the extra curricular activities, fun fun.

I can't beleive this pregnancy is going as fast as it is. It seems i've just finished one update when it's time to type another. I can only hope the second half will go quickly too.

Hopefully next week I'll be able to tell you all that we are having a healthy baby! How precious those words will be.

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