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Gayesy's parenting after loss journal

Month 23 ~ January 26, 2004
~ Sick little girl

KatelynYet another month has just flown by! There is now only one month until Missy Moo's second birthday (less than that until Thomas turns seven). Thomas has had his long Summer holidays and will start Grade 2 at school tomorrow. Andrew has had some time off work here and there, which has been very nice, although he has been doing some contract work so has been quite busy with that.

A few days after Christmas, I just couldn't take looking at all our mess anymore! The kids had both received more than their fair share of gifts from relatives and we were bursting at the seams! I went a little nuts and cleaned out so many cupboards, the garage, sorted toys and baby goods for the Salvation Army, we took several trips to the rubbish tip and even held a yard sale. We sold almost all our "baby stuff" (I gave away clothes, but sold things like the swing, pram, high chair etc.) It was great to de-clutter, and we also got some much-needed money. In some ways though it was a little upsetting to me to be getting rid of these items. I am very happy with our decision to have no more children, but funnily enough it still feels a little sad.

I have been thinking a lot about little Nicholas lately, mainly because Thomas has been asking a lot about death and Heaven. He wants to know all about how old Nicholas would be now, what he would be like . . . I am coping okay but it does hurt to think that we are missing out on being with our little boy. Thomas keeps telling us how he really wished he had a brother (rather than a sister!), which doesn't help. I have been battling a low mood a lot of this month (except during my big clean-up fest), and just can't seem to climb out of this hole.

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Katelyn and I have been quite ill the past few weeks, and she is only now starting to show some signs of her usual cheekiness and happy personality. It has actually been a very worrying time. We have had yet another trip to the ER with a very, very sick baby (fever of 104, very lethargic, coughing and very rapid breathing), and last week the local doctor wanted me to bring her in to be checked every day. We are still waiting on some test results (mainly to try and find out what virus it is - the doctor thinks it could even be glandular fever), but it is pretty certain that we have both been suffering from some serious respiratory virus. Poor little Missy Moo had to have a chest x-ray to rule our pneumonia (thankfully, even though her chest didn't look good, it was negative for that), and some blood tests to see what has been wrong. She was so sick the day of the blood tests that she just lay there and gave a little whimper towards the end. I had wanted to use an EMLA patch but the collection ladies said with her chubby little arms it was going to be so hard to get a sample as it was, that they really advised against it. The tests we've got back so far show that her immune system has been shot to pieces by whatever this is, and we need to do more tests in a week or so to check that everything has come back to normal. If not, then there could be something seriously wrong according to the doctor. She won't say what that could be, and has told me not to worry, but I AM worried! I guess we just have to take each day as it comes. I am very thankful that her fever has mostly gone and that she has some life in her again. Seeing that little smile is just priceless! I still feel like doggy-doo, and have had bad asthma yet again, but I'm sure I will start to recover soon as well.

Katelyn's speech is still coming along well. She regularly speaks in four or five-word sentences (sometimes more) and has quite a vocabulary. What is very amusing though is that she has quite a number of made-up words. I could actually write a little dictionary for the benefit of friends and relatives, because I almost always can understand her, but those not "in the know" might not. Some of her more unusual "words" include: "gorgorn" for "ice cream"; "wadow" for "yoghurt"; "gwaygays" for "holidays". She also calls teddy bears "bear bears", which is pretty cute!

We have started planning a small party to celebrate the birthdays of both kids (on the Saturday half-way in between). Thomas has a few friends he has known since preschool, who also have siblings whom Katelyn really likes, and parents whom Andrew and I get along great with. So . . . what we are going to do is to have a morning or afternoon tea in a park nearby, some cake for each child, some games, some party food, and basically just have a relaxed time with these lovely people. Hopefully the weather will treat us well, or we will have to have the party here. Heaven forbid! LOL!

Hopefully next month I will be able to update with good health news for my precious little girl and will have some photos of the party!

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