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Katey's Pregnancy Journal

~ Meet Katey

Katey's familyHi everyone! My name is Katey and I'm in the midst of my third pregnancy. My husband, Errol, and I have been married for 11 years and have known each other for nearly 20! We are fortunate to own a business together which allows us to job share: one of us works one day while the other stays home with our daughter.

Makenna was born October 21, 1999. She was conceived the month following surgery to remove endometriosis and ovarian cysts. The doctor told us to get pregnant right away before the endometriosis returnedůso we did! Her pregnancy was complicated mildly by gestational diabetes that was controlled by diet. She was a vaginal breech delivery surprising everyone at 8cm dilated and delivering 30 minutes later. Ever since she's been doing things her own way. She is now a very happy and imaginative 5 year old.

When Makenna was about a year old we decided that we'd try to get pregnant again as I had visions of children close in age growing up together. Unlike Makenna's conception, we were in for a lot more work. We went though nearly 2 years of trying and infertility treatments to conceive in addition to another surgery for endometriosis. We were, of course, ecstatic to know we were expecting again. Makenna took a lot of pride in knowing she was to be a big sister. We all focused most of our time on preparing for the baby. Makenna was especially interested and spent loads of imaginative playtime delivering babies from anything that would hold still: dolls, stuffed animals, and me! She attended a sibling class at the hospital and watched many birth videos at home in preparation to be at the delivery with us.

On August 1, 2003 at nearly 41 weeks labor began around 1:00 pm. Right as labor seemed to be beginning I felt typical baby movement. We attended a child's birthday party until 3:00 and then went home so I could labor in the tub. We arrived at the hospital around 5:00 to find that I was already 6+cm dilated and progressing quickly. As we were settling in, the nurses began trying to attach the fetal heart monitor to me to get a heart rate. They weren't able to find one but said that was common at the end of labor. My OB arrived within 5 minutes and inserted a fetal heart monitor. She thought she picked up the heartbeat and then I was ready to push. At 5:14 pm Livia Joy delivered. Instead of the hearty cry of our baby, only silence and then confusion filled the room. A resuscitation code was called and a team rushed into the room. After about 30 minutes of trying to revive her, we were told that Livia had died.

We, along with immediate family, spent five hours with Livia. We were able to take precious photos and were given mementos from the hospital staff. Makenna summed it up best when we said our final goodbye: "I didn't get to hold my baby enough."

Over the next few weeks blood tests, examinations and an autopsy were performed and no cause of death was determined. Based on various exams and the last time I felt movement we were told that Livia probably died within an hour of delivery.

We had spent so much time preparing our lives for a second child: nearly two years to conceive and the nine months of pregnancy. I spent so much time preparing for other things; it never crossed my mind that I should have prepared us for hearing this news.

In the wake of our loss this past year has been one of grief, growth, and a new appreciation for many parts of life. It has also been marked by trying again to get pregnant, infertility challenges, disappointments, a third surgery and the hope we couldn't keep from having. After a year of trying to conceive, we took a break from treatments and went to Las Vegas on a business trip.

A few weeks later, on September 25, 2004, I closed my eyes and waited while the timer ran out. Three minutes were up. I slowly peered at the pregnancy test-two lines! Amazing! Terrifying! I turned to my husband and burst out crying. Until we make a final name decision, we've been using the nickname "Vegas".

So now we have embarked on another pregnancy journey. This one is emotionally so different than our previous pregnancies. It is also much, much more challenging than I could have imagined. I am struck frequently with how very much I miss the daughter who should have been here with me as I look back upon my last pregnancy. And, I hold out hope that we will be able to hold this child in our arms and see her beautiful eyes and take her home with us.

Our official due date is June 2, 2005. We plan to have a scheduled induction about one or two weeks early.

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