~ Burn Baby, Burn!
Week Twenty-Six marked the beginning of my two week Staycation since the plant where I worked closed for its yearly summer shutdown. It also heralded in the worst heartburn I had ever experienced. Of course, my heartburn can't be without misadventures. It is, after all, me. So after a relativity quiet, but busy week, I decided to treat myself to a half day of shopping followed by a nice lunch with Jeff while we got our carpets cleaned.
The first problem arose when the carpet cleaners showed up half an hour early. Normally, I would not complain as the tendency for services such as these learn towards showing up on the later side, but since I was half dressed and hadn't eaten yet, I was a bit annoyed. Hey, I'm pregnant; I'm allowed to be annoyed. I had to scarf down breakfast and dart out the door before I wound up under foot (or a couch) as the big hefty guys began moving our furniture out of the way.
My first stop was to get my glasses adjusted at a local LensCrafters in Lafayette which is about a 40 minute drive. It was raining so the drive was taking longer than usual. This did not bode well for me as my heartburn had begun shortly after I left the house. I decided to stop at the nearest gas station to pick up some milk. However, as I neared the town, a light came on the dashboard reading "Low Tire Pressure".
I knew I didn't have a flat yet, so my search began for some type of tire service station. I was in luck. Less than half a mile down the road, I found one. The attendant assured me that they'd have me out in less than half an hour and I concluded that was acceptable given my level of heartburn at that point. That half hour, however, turned into an hour and a half.
While waiting, I had to endure a large burly man that wouldn't stop staring at me. It made me feel rather uncomfortable, especially since I was trying to politely belch without anyone noticing. I also had to contend with a older lady who smelled of stale whiskey and had enough makeup on to paint the town of Lafayette twice over. But the cream of the crop was an old farmer sitting next to me with his little Shitsu dog that kept peeing on the floor. These three characters would be highly entertaining to me any other day, except that my heartburn was so intense, I swear smoke was coming from my mouth with each breath I took. Unfortunately, my misery wouldn't end there.
About an hour of waiting, I noticed that my car had been moved outside the service area appearing as it was ready. This was good news since I felt an all too familiar pressure building in my bladder. Unfortunately, the attendant could not locate my ticket so I could not check out. Finally, they discovered the mechanic that had serviced my car had taken another car out for a test drive and my ticket with him. They told me he would be back in twenty to thirty minutes. Great! You guys got a bathroom I could use? No, it's out of order. They suggested I walk a quarter mile up the road to the gas station. Sigh.
So, I returned to my seat in between whiskey lady and wonder-pee dog and decided that my belching in public was not the most impolite thing the service station was currently experiencing. So, I let one rip. It came from China, this belch did, and it felt wonderful. After the walls of the station quit shaking and the smoldering from my stomach abated, I was called to the counter to pick up my car. I'm sure those mechanics wanted me out of there ASAP because I never saw my ticket. My day was shot however because I had less than an hour to get to LensCrafters and then pick up my husband for lunch.
I didn't get to do my shopping that day, but I learned a valuable lesson. If you belch loud enough to register on a seismograph, people will do anything to get you the hell out of their place of business.