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Kay's Family Building Journal

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Entry Eighteen, November 3, 1997

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Update on Adoption

We had a great orientation appointment with the Adoption Agency we decided to work with. We knew starting out that our ages work against us to some extent (seventeen year old girls tend to not want forty-something parents for their children). However, this agency does not set arbitrary age limits. Most happily, the fact that we want to pursue an open adoption works strongly in our favor. From what I read, open adoptions are often in the best interest of the child. They also make a lot of gut-level sense to my husband and me. An open adoption is an adoption where all members of the adoptive circle are fully known to each other. In the best case scenario, the birthmom would have a "favorite aunt" status with the child and the family. I am told that adoptive parents often are against open adoption, because they fear the birthparents. I read, and hear, that they fear the birthparents might steal the child, either literally, or in an emotional/loyalty sense. They fear the birthmom might not be a good girl, or a good influence on the child. And, they fear the child will be confused: "who is really the mom here?" From what I read and hear, these issues are really not problems in an open adoption. I'll fill you in on the next steps in this process in my next entries. And, I will fill you in on why open adoption makes the most sense to us.

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As you might imagine, people are asking us if we are planning to adopt, or planning to pursue another egg donor cycle. Well, we are planning to pursue another egg donor cycle as our first choice. But we are going to move forward with our adoption plans as well, due to time constraints. If we are matched with a birthmom before we are able to start another egg donor cycle, then we would go with the adoption. We shall see how this plays out!

On to another subject! My massage therapy training is going well, and continues to be extremely interesting. I just love the anatomy and physiology aspect. And massage therapy feels very intuitive to me also. I knew the massage instructor previously, and she has seen me perform musically. She told me that I seemed to be in the same intuitive state when I practice massage, as when I sing. That was a terrific compliment! Although I've had massage therapy, I've never actually seen a massage being given before I took the class. It makes sense to me why it promotes good circulation, increased immune response, and pain control, as well an increased sense of relaxation and well-being. I've read where massage therapy has shown to increase T-cell counts in AIDS patients, how it decreases pain levels in people with various types of chronic pain, and more. It is really interesting material.

I should be talking with the egg donor coordinator again this week. I'll let you know if I hear any news in that department. In the meantime, we are plugging along, enjoying our lives and doing our best to build our family. Feel free to write me with any comments! I'd love to hear from you.
Kay Grames

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