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Kay's Family Building Journal

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Entry Thirty-six ~ May 28, 1998

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The Pregnancy Results

Thanks to all of you who have sent good wishes to me!

The pregnancy test was negative. I'm really disappointed. Actually, I feel so terrible about never being pregnant again that my whole body aches. I know that I need to stay with my feelings, and that I will get through them.

I had an unusual, encouraging experience this morning. My dog was very excited about something in a narrow trench. I put my dog inside, and investigated. A little baby bird had fallen into the trench! (It was feathered, had open eyes, and was able to walk and hop. I've talked to animal rescue people in the past, when a baby bird was in my yard. I've been told these features describe a mature young bird who is undertaking its first flying lessons). Its mother was loud, flying about, and clearly upset. It didn't look as if the bird would be able to get out of the steep, muddy trench without a little assistance. So, I tried to build a little stick "walkway" near it, so it could walk out of the trench.

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To understate it, the mother did not perceive me as a helper. I've never had a bird dive-bomb me before, but this very upset mother bird swooped down on me, squawking loudly, and flew through my hair. I was actually a little frightened by her clear determination and urgency on the matter. I hastily finished the bridge, rushed back inside, and left for work. The mother and baby were gone by the time I got home, so I am assuming their story ended well.

It made me reflect over the times that God brings walkways and bridges into our lives. We may well perceive the helper in the same way the mother bird perceived me. It is normal that I should seem like a grave threat to her family's well being. It is normal that this negative pregnancy test feels like a great loss for my life and for my intended family. Possibly, just as I was trying to build a little "bridge" for the baby bird to get out of a trench and on with her life, God may be building a bridge for me. Maybe I was meant to be an adoptive mom, and this terrible disappointment is pointing us in the right direction?

Those are my thoughts. Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers.

Thanks to all of you who have sent good wishes to me!

The pregnancy test was negative. I'm really disappointed. Actually, I feel so terrible about never being pregnant again that my whole body aches. I know that I need to stay with my feelings, and that I will get through them. I had an unusual, encouraging experience this morning. My dog was very excited about something in a narrow trench. I put my dog inside, and investigated. A little baby bird had fallen into the trench! (It was feathered, had open eyes, and was able to walk and hop. I've talked to animal rescue people in the past, when a baby bird was in my yard. I've been told these features describe a mature young bird who is undertaking its first flying lessons). Its mother was loud, flying about, and clearly upset. It didn't look as if the bird would be able to get out of the steep, muddy trench without a little assistance. So, I tried to build a little stick "walkway" near it, so it could walk out of the trench.

To understate it, the mother did not perceive me as a helper. I've never had a bird dive-bomb me before, but this very upset mother bird swooped down on me, squawking loudly, and flew through my hair. I was actually a little frightened by her clear determination and urgency on the matter. I hastily finished the bridge, rushed back inside, and left for work. The mother and baby were gone by the time I got home, so I am assuming their story ended well.

It made me reflect over the times that God brings walkways and bridges into our lives. We may well perceive the helper in the same way the mother bird perceived me. It is normal that I should seem like a grave threat to her family's well being. It is normal that this negative pregnancy test feels like a great loss for my life and for my intended family. Possibly, just as I was trying to build a little "bridge" for the baby bird to get out of a trench and on with her life, God may be building a bridge for me. Maybe I was meant to be an adoptive mom, and this terrible disappointment is pointing us in the right direction?

Those are my thoughts. Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers.

May 29. P.S. I just called our chosen Adoption Agency today, and arranged for the first home study interview and adoption class, both of which will be in mid-June. The long in-home interview will probably be in about a month. Wish us luck. We are both terrified, but pleased to be moving ahead with building our family.
Kay Grames

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