~ Freak Out
Where do I even start this week? I feel like I have so much to relate. I guess I'll start with our ultrasound results, since I'm sure you're dying to find out (I know I was). We are definitely having identical twins. Unfortuantely, I am now also classified High Risk because apparently there's a risk that one of the twins will start stealing nutrients from the other one. I don't exactly know what it means to be High Risk, besides the fact that I can't keep my current OB/GYN and that I have to get more tests done. Right now I'm waiting for the High Risk people to call me to schedule my first appointment. My OB said if I don't hear from them by December to just come in to for my appointment with them (they won't cancel it until I hear from the High Risk people). Until then I wait.
This weekend Aaron took Ella and the dog and went to stay with his grandparents (they live around the corner from us). It was nice to get some time to myself, and I even splurged on a Mom-to-be spa package. The only bad thing was that whenever I wasn't distracted by something I would start to freak out about the whole twins thing (like during my massage; talk about not relaxing).
Yeah, I am really freaked out about having twins. I don't even know where to start with what's freaking me out. First of all, three kids was never the plan. I was happy with one. After much discussion Aaron managed to convince me that Ella should have a sibling to play with, but that was going to be it. In fact, we were so certain that we were done that he was going to have a vasectomy after this baby made it safely into the world. And I was fine with two. After all, I baby-sit my neighbour's daughter and have mastered the art of carrying two babies at once. I have two arms, and there's room in my lap for two kids. But now that'll be taken up by the twins, and where will Ella go? (I'm a neglected older sibling myself, so I'm maybe a little over-sensitive to these issues). Plus there's the added expenses from having to get more baby stuff (the twins can't exactly share a carseat), not to mention saving for two more university educations. Sigh. And then there's all the scary stuff to do with a twins pregnancy. I could end up on bedrest. Or the twins could end up spending ages in NICU if they're premature. And there's still that issue of breastfeeding two babies at once . . . Scary. Oh yeah, and I'm especially terrified of the thought of twin boys. I was hoping for a girl when it was just one baby, so Ella could have a sister, like I never did, but now that it's twins I *really* want it to be girls. I can't believe I still have to wait five more weeks to find out.
It's kind of a relief to get this all out. It's really hard to deal with it on my own. Everyone I talk to seems to just be really excited that it's twins. And when I try and voice my fears they (including Aaron) just sort of shrug and say, "You'll be able to handle it." Well, I won't have much choice, now, will I? But it doesn't make me any less freaked out now. I've looked into the local multiples society, but they don't give out much information until you join (by which I mean pay the membership fee), so I suppose I'll end up doing that soon. Maybe then I'll have someone to freak out to. For now, I'll stop ranting to you guys, although if any of you has gone through this I'd be happy to hear from you.
The other major thing that happened this week is that I outgrew all my smaller maternity pants. That's right, as of today I'm officially in the next size up. Crazy. The bigger ones are a bit big in the waist (and huge in the legs), but the smaller ones were starting to hurt. Still, I'm only 13 weeks (I'll be 14 weeks on Thursday). At least I was lucky that I was bigger last pregnancy, so I have some clothes in the next size up. I still weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with Ella (this may be the last time I get to write that, though), but my belly is just huge. I can't imagine how big I'm going to be by Christmas, let alone May when I actually have the babies! I seriously look like I'm at least five months pregnant.
Oh yeah. I can't believe I almost forgot to write about this for the second week in a row (have I mentioned I've been having some serious "baby brain" this pregnancy?) I felt the babies move last week. It was the day of the ultrasound. I can't feel them all the time or anything, just occasionally when I'm lying still. Mostly I just feel large movements - like the two of them are doing somersaults, but yesterday I felt little kicks, almost as though one was using my belly to turn themself around. I can't believe I can feel motion this early. Last pregnancy I had an anterior placenta, which was like having a big pillow between me and Ella, so I didn't feel a lot of movement (and didn't feel anything before about 20 weeks). This pregnancy is definitely going to be different.
All right, I think that's enough for this week. Maybe by next week I'll have some more information about the High Risk stuff.
Until next week,