~ Eat, Sleep, Stress
This has been a long week. Last night was the first night all week that I slept through the night without tossing and turning for hours. I still woke up a little, but I got more sleep than I had been getting. I've just been having trouble getting comfortable. I can only sleep on my sides, and even with a pillow between my legs I still end up with an aching back in the morning. I've also noticed a huge correlation between how much sleep I get and my mood swings. Between the hormones, the lack of sleep, and the fact that the "Terrible Twos" are steadily drawing closer, I'm finding that, for the first time since her birth, I'm having trouble coping with Ella some days. I almost feel like I have PPD, except that my "baby" is almost 18 months old! If only Ella would nap for more than an hour a day!
Basically this week has just been about getting by. I've had some blanket offers of help ("If you ever want an afternoon off, just call me") but I'm really bad about taking people up on them. I feel like I'm taking advantage to just call someone and say, "Can you take Ella this afternoon?" Also, I always feel like things could be worse, so what if I ask for help today, but tomorrow's so much worse and I should have saved the help for then? I think what I really need is for people to call me and say, "I'll take Ella tomorrow so you can nap" - then I'd probably actually take them up on it.
The other thing that has been bothering me this week is my eating habits. I have been constantly hungry this pregnancy, and generally craving food that's not so healthy (mmm . . . milkshakes). So far I've gained 8 lbs - I checked my journal for Ella and saw that at this point in her pregnancy I'd gained 3 - I guess that's not too bad, considering I was ten pounds heavier to start with Ella, plus I'm having twins, but I just feel I should be eating more healthy foods. Lately I just haven't wanted vegetables, or, on the rare occasion that I thought I could stomach them, I've just been too darn tired/lazy to make an extra dish for dinner. But this week I've really been trying hard. I even bought some V8 to help me get all my veggies in (I bought the fruit-flavoured one, but I still drink it like medicine, ugh!) The other thing that's been holding me back is drinking. During the first trimester, although I didn't really have much nausea, I found it really hard to drink water. In fact, several times I tried I ended up dry heaving. Instead, all I seemed to want was lemonade. So, now that I can stomach it a bit more, I'm trying to drink more water and less lemonade - which is easier said than done. I just seem to have no willpower this pregnancy. Usually I can resist temptation, but this time around I'm so suggestible - if only healthy food sounded as good as junk food! Oh well, just have to keep trying.
All right, I guessed I have complained enough for this week
Oh, I finally heard from the High Risk Department, and I have an ultrasound and appointment with a doctor on Thursday. They said I'm going to be there for about two hours! Hopefully I will get a better idea of what exactly it means to be High Risk: about whether my chances of bedrest are higher, if it changes anything about my delivery, even, just how often do I have to see the doctors? I feel like I don't know anything about this pregnancy except that I'm having twins! I think there's even a slight chance that they'll be able to tell the sex of the babies on the ultrasound (I'll be 15 weeks and they say they can tell at 16). If not, I'll have to wait three more weeks for my 18 week ultrasound (assuming I get to keep that appointment and don't have to do everything through the High Risk Dept.) I'm really looking forward to knowing more about what's going on with my body and what the next six months are going to look like. Hopefully I'll have lots of news (and less complaining) to share next week.