~ I've Changed My Mind . . . Maybe
Well the big news this week is that I have booked in an elective caesarean date (sort of). I had the appointment with the obstetrician today to book it in, and it turns out that there are no slots left for the rest of the year! I was hoping to book it in for the 18th, but instead I have been put on "stand-by" for the week of the 17th of December. If an elective caesarean slot is not filled (for example, the person has their baby before then for some reason or other) then someone from stand-by list is given that slot, and the rest of the people on the list are fitted in at other times during the week. So the up shot of it all is that I can have the caesarean that week, but I probably won't have a lot of notice beforehand as to when during that week it will be.
I have been thinking quite hard for some time now about the delivery, I have talked with Brandon a lot about the pros and cons of attempting a natural birth, versus the prospect of an elective caesarean and I spoke about it with my midwife at my last appointment. I would still really like to have a good natural delivery, but instead of just judging whether natural or caesarean is better, I have been weighing things up in terms of the likelihood of me being able to have a natural delivery, because if there is a good chance that I will just end up having a caesarean after an exhausting labour, I would much rather just go into the caesarean well rested and happy.
My midwife is of the opinion that if I go into labour naturally a few weeks early, then I have a fairly good chance of achieving a natural birth, but that the closer to my due date (or over) I go, then my chances go down dramatically. The baby is not likely to be small either. I am not measuring large, but there is also no indication that this baby will be much smaller than Levi (who was 8 lbs 12 oz). Also, the baby is posterior in position, and while there is still time for the baby to turn around, I do so much walking around, bending over and running around (which are the things that are supposed to make the baby turn over) that there is a good chance that the baby just will not turn, which also lessens my chances of achieving a good natural delivery.
So, taking all this into account, the best option for us seemed to be to book the elective caesarean date, so that closer to the time, if we need it, it is there. I can still change my mind and if I go into labour naturally before then, I intend to give natural birth the best shot I can, but I just feel that this is the route that is the best for our family.
Having set the week of the date, the impending birth feels a lot less mysterious and unknown and even perhaps a lot less exciting. There isn't likely to be any waiting around, wondering when labour will start, or when to go to the hospital when I feel contractions, or even much discrepancy about the baby's birthday. It will almost definitely be between the 17th and 21st of December. But also on the other hand, it feels nice to have a plan, I can get my head around the recovery, and can arrange for the support I will need. Brandon will be home for about a month after the birth which will be absolutely fantastic, both for helping me out, and also for helping Levi adjust to our new family situation. It also means that I will most likely be out of hospital for Christmas - hurray! I am so excited about Christmas with Levi, I would really hate to miss it sharing it with him properly.
So aside from all of the delivery arrangements things have been going really really well. I am having a rest everyday while Levi sleeps and it seems to be making a world of difference. I can actually survive the day without flaking out on the couch totally exhausted. I don't feel guilty about taking the time out to rest anymore, I have just accepted that it is what I need to do to be functional, and that the day will eventually come when I can survive just on a nights sleep like most normal people, but for now I cannot!
Well, that's all for this week!