Entry 16 ~ May 6, 2011
~ Mis-directed Postpartum Depression
Well, ladies, it has now been five weeks since we had our new baby girl and I have a big question to ask. Can postpartum depression be misdirected to hit the older sibling? Or is it just the terrible twos rearing its ugly, back-talking, no-yelling head?
I hate to say it, but honestly I am not really digging my twenty month old these days. She has morphed even more since her baby sister arrived and I am sure that it is some jealousy on her part. There has got to be a way to deal with her mood swings and devilish ways, but aside from using time out, I have not discovered what that is yet.
Lately I have decided that I definitely do not want more kids. I forgot about how little sleep you get when it takes you until 9 or 10 to get the oldest child in the bed, then you have to change, feed and attempt to burp the 5-week old to make sure that she sleeps for at least three hours! I think as Murtaugh says from Lethal Weapon, "I'm too old for this sh.....stuff!"
I really am having a hard time enjoying being at home with two children under the age of two and my husband tried to tell me that it will get easier. It is so much harder than I ever thought it was going to be. Do not get me wrong, I love my family, I just think people have no idea what I go through each day and that things are just going to get harder as this little baby is able to crawl and walk and run away from me just like her big sister does.
Any other mothers out there feeling overwhelmed this Mother's Day weekend?
Cleaning the house? This is also a joke. I am lucky to get anything done before Hurricane Sophie comes back through and destroys my efforts. And that just makes me even madder at night when my husband comes home and has anything to say about the state of our house. Oh if he only knew . . .
Really? If only he could spend a day in my shoes, breastfeeding on demand, getting two little babies taken care of in the morning, taking the dogs out and feeding them, even though I no longer care for them since I had Sophie. I also try to keep the dishes and kitchen clean, keep plants alive, wash all the clothes and keep our daughter out of trouble.
Just one day, for 8 hours I would love to leave him with both girls and see how much he gets done and what the state of this house is. Whew! That felt really good to write, sorry for venting, but a girl has to get it out somewhere!
Just hoping that I will begin to enjoy how lucky I am to stay at home with my girls right now. Although I know and feel for women who have to go back to work after having their babies, I am also a little jealous that they are getting some adult interaction from someone besides their husbands at night. Wish me luck and pray that this will pass!
Until next time . . .