Since I moved to yet another place where I didnít know a soul, I have found it very hard to make friends. My mother-in-law and mother both moved frequently and have always told me that I need to get out there and make friends and that it would make things so much easier for me to be away from home and family. That always sounded like a great idea, but in reality, I am not really one of those outgoing people that can just walk up to someone and say, ďBe my friend!!Ē
We had been living here about 2 1/2 years when we decided that we would try to put Sophie in dance class at one of the local studios. The first day, we were told that dance class would take place behind a partition where we would have to stand on tiptoe to get glimpses of the kids dancing. There was a cute little woman with two of the cutest little girls there. We talked a little bit; the whole time trying to keep eyes on then 1 year old Sydney and trying to keep her 6 month old Mia happy. When her daughter pitched a fit two weeks in a row and did not want to dance, she took action and did exactly what I would do a few weeks later. Took her home and gave up on dancing for the time. Before she left, she came up to me and gave me her number and said we should meet for a playdate sometime. We did and the rest is history. She is one of the best friends I have had in my adult life and I thank God that He put us both here in the same season of our lives to muddle through it together. She introduced me to another girl, who introduced us to another and another and thus our Wednesday playdates were born.
I recently spent some time with one of these friends that I feel has a borderline verbally abusive relationship with her husband. She used to tell us all things that he would say and we would talk later about whether we believed that some of the things she was telling us had actually been said or not. Then my husband and I heard it firsthand one night at their house and since then, we have kind of kept our distance. This baffles me because my husband is not only my best friend, but also my partner in every way and my number one fan. He never talks down to me and always has my back.
What kind of advice can you give a friend that will help their situation and not hurt it more? I started off angry and that probably is not the way to go. I feel it just makes the person that you are giving advice get defensive with their spouse and not work to resolve the issue at home. So I have just tried to verbalize what a great relationship I have with my husband and how much of a team we are, not to brag or make her feel jealous, but to let her know what a good marriage should be. I hope that is the right thing to do, but just like everything else in parenting, itís really just a suggestion. What would you say to a friend you feel is in a dangerous relationship with their spouse?
Until next time . . .