Week 14 ~ February 4, 2003
~ Goodbye, morning sickness!
Yes, it really seems to be on its way out, now that I've reached that magical second trimester. Hurray! And I have regained some energy--but only SOME. I am still tired much of the time. I get frustrated that I can't DO as much as I want to do. I have to really pace myself throughout the day so I have enough energy to cook dinner at night. With a two-year-old at home with me, that is a challenge.
I'll try to briefly catch you all up on the previous thirteen weeks. As you may know from reading my introduction, my first pregnancy was a rather difficult one. Needless to say, Karl and I were a little apprehensive about "trying again". I knew I was much stronger, both physically and emotionally, than I was during my first pregnancy. After prayer and thinking it through, we decided to give it a go.
In November, after about eight months of trying, I saw the magical second line in the window of my home pregnancy test! I felt great until I reached about six weeks, and then the morning/noon/night sickness began. It's amazing how quickly we forget how rotten we feel in the first trimester! Since I kept my morning sickness throughout my first pregnancy, I was faced with the possibility of eight more months of feeling lousy. That really got me down for a while.
I went to my first doctor's appointment at nine weeks; Karl and Ana came too. We heard the heartbeat and had an ultrasound, which I was really excited about--except that all I could see was a smudge on the screen. It was a moving smudge, however, and that was exciting!
This past weekend, my husband and I escaped from our daily lives and spent a few days at The Homestead, a mountain resort in Virginia. Karl was sent there by his law firm to attend a conference, and I sent myself to do nothing but eat, sleep, take walks, and relax. It was heavenly. Karl's parents kept Ana, bless them, and Karl and I got away together ALONE for the first time since Ana was born. (We always said we'd make time to go away together alone, frequently, after Ana was born. . . two years later, we are finally doing it!) And, magically, all the last remains of morning sickness disappeared while I was there! I felt great. I think escaping from my daily routine at home with a two-year-old had something to do with it. And having all my meals prepared for me, and no dishes to wash. And eating things like Allegheny mountain trout, California artichokes, perfect salads, and fresh raspberries, blackberries, and every other kind of fruit for breakfast. And no beds to make. And. . .well, basically, it was a dream come true!
But just for a short while; I'm stationed again at home now, while Ana takes a nap. I have dishes to wash, laundry to do, and dinner to make. No mountain trout tonight--we're having potato soup!
I am beginning to feel little "flutters" here and there; it's hard to distinguish them from gas bubbles, but I'm pretty sure it's authentic movement from the baby. Last time, I first felt movement at sixteen weeks, and they say second-time-moms usually feel movement a little earlier than in their previous pregnancy.
In some ways, however, this is like a first pregnancy for me--it's already been so drastically different from my first. The main difference is that I'm depression-free. I'm not fighting an overwhelming battle with depression like I was the first time around. I think that has made most of the difference. I have so much more energy, appetite, and I'm able to sleep. All those things were affected by the depression in my first pregnancy, not to mention my mood and outlook on life.
When I first began to feel morning sickness this time, I became very scared. It felt too familiar; the sickness, the low mood, the lack of energy. I was terrified of becoming depressed again. Of course, anxiety feeds depression; it's a very tricky cycle. The more afraid you feel, the more you are at risk for depression; and the more depressed I felt, the more anxious I became! But I kept to my routine, my household chores, exercising and eating (even when I felt nauseous) and eventually I came out of the fear and felt stable ground under my feet. And now I'm even coming out of the morning sickness! Hurray!