Week 20 ~ March 20, 2003
~ It's a . . .
I had been getting impatient for an ultrasound, and managed to get one at the Crisis Pregnancy Center where I volunteer once a week. Ana came with me, and at 11:00 am yesterday I climbed onto the coveted examining table next to the ultrasound machine, the moment I'd been waiting for. The most important thing, of course, is that the baby is perfectly healthy and normal. Normal 4-chambered heart, 2 kidneys, brain- everything. What a blessing. And, it is a girl! I secretly wanted another girl, I think. If we have another one, I'll vote for a boy, but for now, I have my two girls! I am one of two sisters, and all my cousins growing up were girls, so I feel like I have a handle on how to do girls.
When I look at the screen and see all those healthy organs, and the baby moving and sucking, it completely humbles me, because I had nothing to do with it. I didn't design this kid or plan her body, or program her brain. I don't know how to start her heart beating, or make sure her kidneys work. I didn't teach her how to suck, yet there she was, sucking away. They come completely designed and wired. I don't even know how to prepare my womb for her, or hook up the umbilical cord! To me, this is the most clear sign that I am part of a miracle of God, that He knows infinitely more than me, and that He's good. This amazing being, growing inside me, is His- I didn't make it!
I've felt almost, dare I say it, "great" this week?! I think this is partly due to my vacation at my mom's house last week; I felt refreshed this week and energetic. I have been on an organizing rampage. I re-organized my files, my old cassette tapes, Ana's books, the kitchen . . . is this some kind of nesting instinct or am I just obsessed?
Now if I could just get rid of all this sniffling. . .but apparently the sniffles are also a symptom of pregnancy!