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Lizelle's Pregnancy Journal

 
Week 10 - 20 March 2007
~ What a horrible week!

When I say horrible I mean bad for me but good for baby. On Friday was my first visit to the Gynecologist. Corne met me there and everything was fine. We went in and had to wait an hour for him. During this time Corne started getting agitated and annoyed because the doctor was late. I think he was more nervous than anything and started making excuses. Well eventually he chickened out and left. I think the reality of everything just hit him and he couldnít deal with it. Also the fact that he doesnít like hospitals and doctors and medical stuff was making him nervous. I was really upset that he wouldnít be there for me and to see the baby. But what could I do? Corne has always been a very stubborn and irrational person. Anyway I saw my little baby. He/she was 27.3mm long and looked like a peanut with little stubs for arms and legs. The little heart was beating so fast. He/she measured at exactly 9 weeks and 4 days. So my calculations were correct putting my due date at 15 October 2007. I got a little photo to take home.

I really had mixed feelings after the visit. Corne was having a freak out session about him not wanting kids and this all being my fault but then saying that he knows he had part in it as well. He was just making me confused. The whole weekend we hardly spoke to each other. We are still fighting but I said to him it's too late now. There is a baby and there's nothing we can do about it. I fell pregnant by accident but he knew I wasn't on the pill anymore and he knew there was a chance of this happening. I never went behind his back to fall pregnant. I just hope this is a temporary issue he needs to work through and hopefully we can work it out and get back on track. I know he's scared and unfortunately this is how he reacts. Maybe he knows everything that is expected from him now and he's not ready to give it.

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The fact of the matter is he might be able to ignore it but I can't. I have to be strong and carry on for my baby's sake. And I know if he won't be there for me when I have to go to the doctor I'll have plenty of support from my family and friends. I would prefer it to be him but if he chooses not to be involved then what can I do? I'm just so sad. And I feel like I can't be excited for this baby because I know how he feels. He was fine for the last 5 weeks but the minute it was confirmed by the doctor he reacted like this? Has anybody ever been in the same situation?

Otherwise I have been well and feeling good. No morning sickness yet. And Iíve lost the 2kg again that I picked up a couple of weeks ago. Iím just very bloated especially in the evenings and my stomach sticks out like Budaís. But in the mornings itís back to normal again.

Tomorrow is Human Rights Day, a public holiday. We have been invited to our friendís house for a barbeque. Iím looking forward to seeing all of them and getting to play with the twins again. Iím not however looking forward to telling them what happened between Corne and me.

On the other hand I also havenít told my work people that Iím pregnant yet. I have to go back for another scan on the 28th. Iíll definitely have to tell them after that. Iím scared of how they will react. I wish I could just get to enjoy this pregnancy and stop worrying about all this other stuff!

Till next week

~ Lizelle

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