Week 5 - 13 February 2007 ~ Strange things are happening
Ok well this week has been weird. My emotions ranged from scared to nervous, tearful to amused, excitement to depression and generally in shock. I keep going back to the tests in my cupboard to check if there are still two lines and alas . . . there is!
Thursday night my good friend Cheryl phoned me. She had just had twin baby girls in December. Corne had gone to visit her husband Dean at work and told him I was late and of course he told Cheryl and they both phoned me ecstatically happy. They are very good friends of ours and we are very close. So the cat was out of the bag and I went to visit her on Friday to have a chat, whilst helping her feed and hold a baby. I felt much better after talking to her and she assured me she went through the same emotions when she found out she was pregnant. Lots of times she thought to herself "What am I doing? This isn't what I wanted?" And now she assures me with all the love a mother can have in her eyes that it is so worth it! I know I always wanted to have a baby and I am very happy about it; I just never knew what an emotional rollercoaster ride it would be.
After a long weekend by myself at home thinking about all of this I decided I had to tell my parents. I took my mom out for coffee on Monday night and she said I sounded so "off" on the phone she was worried about me the whole day and then she guessed that I was pregnant so all that I had to say to her is "yes" She was ecstatic! I never knew that telling my parents I am pregnant (being 27 and married) would be such a big issue for me. Am I crazy? Well she phoned my dad while we were sitting there and told him for me (I was a chicken). My parents have been separated for nine years and he lives in another city. My dad has always been against me having kids. He never wanted children and my mother begged and cried for her babies until he gave in. Don't get me wrong my brother and I both get along very well with my dad and I know he loves us to bits; he's just a very cynical man and that will never change. My dad ended up saying, "You know how I feel about this but I'm happy if you're happy" I guess that's about the best answer I could have hoped for.
That was followed by a text message on my phone this morning from him saying "How are you today, do you still feel pregnant or are you better?" Dad! You're so funny. I know he's just worried for me and also about the fact that I must start a new job on the 1st of March. I told him "What will be, will be. It's too late now."
After that I still went to the chemist in my lunch hour to go and buy another pregnancy test and did it at work when I got back. Guess what! Two pink lines again! I have an appointment at the gynecologist on the 16th March. That's still a month away but the earliest I could get. How will I ever wait that long?
Maybe the reason why I'm finding this so hard to believe is because I have no signs of being pregnant yet. Except for going to the loo a lot and slightly tender breasts there's nothing. I read somewhere that in the sixth week you'll start feeling nauseous. I've never wanted to be nauseous before in my life but I find myself concentrating so hard in the mornings to try and feel if I have an urge to vomit. Nothing! I guess when that happens I'll regret ever saying this.