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Marisa's Pregnancy Journal

Weeks 30, 31 & 32
~ Overwhelmed . . .

Marisa on May 14I have no really good reason for lumping these weeks together, except the crazy-busy state my head has been in. I was still thinking I was behind two weeks . . . and then realized a third week had squished by without me even noting it.

We got a 3-D sonogram done just in time for Mother's Day. We saw pretty clearly that it's, indeed, sporting girl parts. I was hesitant to buy into the whole "3D/4D" thing at first, but I am very glad we did it. It uses the same mild soundwaves exuded by traditional ultrasound machines, but receives the information in a more advanced picture. Our mothers were ecstatic about the "pictures" of their grandkids, and our grandmothers about their great-grandkids! We burned several DVDs off of the original VHS tape we got so that we could distribute them to anyone we wanted.

I have had various pains off and on, and they always get much worse (sometimes excruciating) by the end of a work day in the classroom, so I am VERY glad I was able to start taking off last Tuesday. It just really started getting ridiculously uncomfortable when I hit 30 weeks. The downside is I still have grading and some professional development to do; I can do a lot more if there is no constant physical demand (I have a new respect for people who manage chronic physical pain every day of their lives), but it is still emotionally and mentally taxing. I have to finish a PowerPoint for my credential clearing program that is due tomorrow at a session I have to attend from 4:15-7:15, and then I have to prepare multiple parts for an extensive exit interview to rehearse with my mentor on Thursday, and then the actual interview is the Monday after that. I won't get to grading or planning their final as much as I'd hoped to this week.

I am supposed to go to a wedding on Saturday, and then Disneyland on Sunday with my family, coming back Monday for that interview. I agreed to these things before I realized I'd still have a lot of stuff going on at work, and of course I'd like to go, but sometimes I overestimate my body and pay for it later down the line.

The placenta was still low-lying at the last ultrasound, so I am glad to be able to lessen the risk of early labor by getting off my feet. In the middle of all this, I have another ultrasound on Wednesday to check where it is, again.

The stretchmarks continue to get bigger and grosser. I am still trying Trilastin, plus a weekly mask treatment that has glycolic acid. I am getting desperate just to make them stop getting any worse, and all anyone can say to me is "Stay hydrated, gain weight gradually, you can't help it much if it's genetic . . . have you tried cocoa butter?" all of which I knew from the get-go and observed. I am so over those suggestions, and based on my relatives' stomachs this is not genetic. So I've stopped mentioning them to anyone, since everyone says the same thing.

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In general, we have been very fortunate to have had just the few small complications, and to have such supportive family and friends. On the Sunday before I started my leave, my coworkers threw me a small shower, and I'm reminded of how many wonderful things have happened for Jeremiah and I in the last few years. On the other hand, there have been real difficulties that I can't seem to escape. I just got denied life insurance through the financial group that handles my retirement stuff based on the fact that I have had depression, even though it has never been diagnosed as severe or manic, and even though I have gone years at a time without needing medication (including right now). This makes me sad because, like anyone with a chronic illness, it makes me wish I could have handled it without treatment all these years so that things like this don't happen. The representative for the company only got told the general reason ("depression") for the declination, and when I elaborated a little he just shook his head and said "You never looked like a depressed person to me . . . I never would have guessed. You never seemed depressed." What, you mean we can't judge people based on how they look? Not all depressed people paint their nails black and shop exclusively at Hot Topic? Go figure.

I really don't want my baby to be hardwired for anxiety or depression, so I try not to get into to much of a funk (I can picture the sadness emanating from my brain down to my baby), and I am always able to pull myself out of it by the next day if I slip a little. I really need to get all this work stuff finished, though, so that I can truly use the leave as a stress-free time to connect with baby.

~ Marisa

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