~ First Ray of Hope
I was SO relieved when the OB/GYN appointment day finally arrived! My husband took off work, and we went in together. I think I managed to put on a bra, but I showed up in my pajama pants, t-shirt, no make up, and short curly hair all frizzy and messed up from the pillow. It's a 45 minute drive to the OB/GYN, and I closed my eyes and tried to do deep breathing the entire way with the air conditioning blasting on me!
The nurses at the doctor's office were really nice and sympathetic in that motherly way, so they helped put me at ease. Our initial meeting with the doctor was at his desk, where I told him as best I could about the previous miscarriage, when we likely conceived this time, and how I'd been feeling. I don't think he needed much convincing that I felt horrible because I looked like a disaster! He was very reassuring and said that other than the nausea I sounded really healthy and the small doses of anti-anxiety meds should not present any problems. Then he did something surprising I'll always be thankful for - he did an ultrasound to prove to me that the baby was ok!
It was an internal ultrasound; the only other time I had one was when I lost the previous pregnancy. I held my breath for what seemed like 10 minutes while the wand was in there, trying to find the baby. The doctor's face was concentrating, and I was trying to read any signal of anything being wrong. Then, all the sudden, he said "There's the baby," and pointed to this tiny pulsating blob on the screen! I couldn't believe it - it was alive! I turned to my husband and said, "Look, it's a baby!" After the doctor left the room Tory hugged me and we had the sweetest quiet moment together, looking at the little picture and feeling hope for the first time.
I left the doctor with proof that there was indeed a baby living inside of me and two prescriptions! The first was for my anxiety and the second was for my nausea. He prescribed me Promethazine, which I guess is common, but it was in suppository form - yikes! The last time I'd had a suppository was when I was constipated at five years old.