Sean Emery was born September 1 at 8:15 pm. He was 8 lbs 6 oz, 20.5 inches with a 35.5 cm head. For the rest of the details you'll have to keep reading!
On Friday, August 31, after having mild contractions all day, I went into the hospital for the prostaglandin gel. I still was nervous about being induced, but I also felt that this was the right thing to do. This hospital makes up its own gel so it is neither Prepadil nor Cervadil brand, but it is similar and not quite as strong. Initially they put me on the monitor for about forty minutes before applying the gel. The said it would be about twenty minutes, but I think they forgot me. The nurse checked me (-2 station, a full 2cm dilated at all parts of my cervix not just the outside and very soft, but not effaced), then she applied the gel. I was supposed to be monitored again for forty-five minutes, but they left me on for about seventy. The worst part of it was the entire time I was being monitored, they wouldn't let me get up to use the bathroom. Oh that was bad!
Unfortunately (or possibly fortunately) not a single contraction registered on the meter. I was having contractions before and after the gel application. The contractions were all in my lower uterus and quite strong. They were also causing quite a bit of burning at my cervix, but according to the print out I had not a single one! The nurse said, "Oh, when you come in in labor you'll have to remind us that your contractions don't show on the monitor and we'll put in an internal one." I think not! The same thing happened with Tommy's labor. The machine measured no contractions, and they kept upping the Pitocin until my contractions were overlapping because they didn't believe I was having them. You would think a nurse would think to feel my belly first or move the monitor lower on my belly or something!
After I got home, the contractions kept getting stronger. I was still only feeling them very low and mostly at my cervix. Through dinner I was fairly quiet as it was taking some concentration when the contractions hit. I should mention I was still having quite a bit of bloody show and had been since the OB appointment the day before. After dinner my mom and dad went to the computer repair shop where my dad had taken his computer. They were supposed to be just picking it up, but they didn't come home right away. I tried to relax and just go about my normal activities. I didn't feel up for walking or doing much strenuous as it was night, and I didn't want to wear myself out so I got on the computer and ended up chatting with a few friends. The contractions kept getting harder and my back was starting to tense. So I got in the shower for awhile and leaned forward into a little cut out in the wall so the water could hit me on the back. It helped some, but at this point the contractions were still quite bearable. I decided to get out of the shower and lie on my side on the couch. I put in a movie hoping for some distraction. It was "The Music Man". Tommy loves musicals and dances and sings along with them so I was enjoying watching him.
My dad called about this time to tell me that he was sorry that they were taking so long, but the guy was still working on his computer and Mom was starting to worry about me so she decided to walk home. It was now around 10pm and pitch black out! I called Tom and told him to head out and pick her up. She had made it about half way home. While they were gone, Tommy stopped dancing and wanted to nurse. I didn't much feel like nursing him, but also didn't want to fight him off so I let him. The contractions were such that I didn't feel like nursing during them, which was hard for Tommy to understand. He'd nurse for a minute and then another would hit and I'd make him stop. I told him mommy's tummy hurt and while my tummy hurt he couldn't nurse. He seemed confused, but he didn't fight it too much. The nursing didn't seem to make the contractions any harder or longer. They were about three minutes apart and lasted around a minute. Not long after I started nursing him, during one contraction I felt two pops. They felt exactly like the pop I felt when my water broke with Tommy. My heart just sank! I knew I was still in early labor and the fears of timelines and all the other bad things that go with rupture of membranes hit! I could just see them wanting to give me pitocin and worrying about a prolapsed cord since the baby was still high, etc.
Of course I didn't want to get up and make a mess everywhere so I just lied on the couch and waited. When my mom got home she got a white towel and I quickly moved from the couch to the floor and sat on it. Not much fluid came out at all. and I looked at it carefully for meconium. None! I was in the clear and could labor longer at home without worrying. It was some time between 10pm and 10:20 that my water broke. I got on the phone to tell my doula to be ready to be woken again. She told me to call her about an hour before I really needed her so she could shower and get over. She lives just down the road.
I still didn't feel like walking, and I was very tired so I decided to go to bed and try to sleep. I lied on my right side instead of my left because it was more comfortable on my lower back. For most women, the ideal lying position is the left side because it maximizes the blood flow to the uterus and baby. I hadn't been accurately timing contractions so I had my dad time them. My mom went to finish dishes and pack food for the hospital just in case. I was having a hard time dealing with contractions at this point and the banter between my dad and Tom was really annoying me! I kept asking them to be quiet during my contractions, but instead they kept talking. My dad was telling me when the contraction should be ending based on the others and also when a new one should be starting. They weren't regular to the second so I was getting very irritated. After we established that my contractions were indeed lasting at least sixty seconds and were three minutes apart, I pretty much kicked everyone out of the room but my mom!
The next hour or so is pretty much a blur. I lied in bed fighting through each contraction and they were getting quite bad. I also kept having to empty my bladder, but when I sat on the toilet no matter how little time had passed between contractions, I would get another and they would be twice as intense on the toilet. It was not fun to say the least! At some point during this I believe Tommy fell asleep or seemed like he was going to, and we decided (well I think everyone else decided) it would be best for dad to take him to the motorhome to sleep with him so he wouldn't have to be moved. I think I tried the shower again during this time and it wasn't helping much either. At one point I remembered to take my temperature to have a baseline. Since my water had broken I wanted to watch for a fever, which is a sign of infection. My temperature was 97.8, pretty normal for me.
Around midnight I realized I needed more help than just my mom so I called my doula. I was, in my mind, losing it with contractions and starting to fight them. They were easier, but also harder than the ones I had with Tommy. With Tommy the back labor was difficult and things never let up, but this time the intense pain wasn't in my abdomen; it was in my cervix. This was encouraging because I thought it meant something was going on there, but it was also painful. I also felt every contraction in my back and counter pressure was the only thing that got me through it. But it wasn't true back labor because the pain there went away when the contraction ended.
When my doula arrived, she hopped right up on the bed next to me and jumped straight into supporting me. She and my mom alternated with the counter pressure and often she just cradled behind me in bed. It really helped to have her there, but things were still very intense. When I started feeling like I was giving up and if I wasn't prepped for the contraction when it hit, I had a much harder time and would start making noises. Out of control ones. Not really screams, but close I guess. My doula suggested that I moan low through the contractions instead. That didn't seem like something natural for me to do because I'm usually quiet, but it was something to do and it did give me an outlet for me to focus on so I became the master at moaning. I knew from my labor with Tommy that patterned Lamaze breathing doesn't work for me, but moaning and groaning was something I could do that didn't disrupt the slow deep breathing that was working for me. If I was prepared and the contraction came on more slowly as some did, I was able to relax and moan through them, but with each contraction I felt myself tensing more and more.
I was feeling like I needed to do something else for pain relief. With Tommy's labor, I look back and don't remember the contractions as being that painful, but they were tiring because they overlapped. The contractions this time were not painful in my uterus at all. I would describe it as a feeling of intensity, but what was happening at my cervix was pure agony! We tried the shower, but when I stood the pain got worse. The water felt great between contractions, but during them I couldn't do it standing up alone. The way our shower is I don't think I could have fit someone in there to help me. We tried to bring the birth ball into the shower to help, but it wouldn't fit through the doors. I can't remember if it was at this point that I tried Tommy's little step stool or if I had tried it before my doula came. Whenever it was, it was the worst thing I could have done! The instant I squatted to sit on the stool, a contraction hit so hard I thought I was going to pass out. I basically fell on the stool and then couldn't get up!
I think I went back to the bed to labor for awhile, or we might have switched to try the other tub at this point. In the other tub I got on hands and knees with someone holding the detachable shower jet on my back, but again the position wasn't good for the pain. It also hurt to be on hands and knees without a place to rest. We did fit the birth ball in through those doors, but since we had the tub partially filled so I could have my belly supported in warm water, the birth ball just floated and kept turning so I couldn't lean on it! There was no way for me to be entirely in water so we abandoned that idea and headed back to bed.
My doula really wanted me to try sitting on the birth ball as she thought this might relieve the cervical pain, but with the way sitting on the toilet caused such hard contractions, I was afraid to. After awhile I started feeling like I needed to push. The urge wasn't overwhelming, but it was very similar to what I felt with Tommy when my water broke. We got up and I tried sitting on the birth ball and that did help some, but also made things worse as well. And it also made the urge to push even stronger. It was shortly after this that we made the decision to go to the hospital. I had an idea that I wasn't really ready to push, but I imagined that I was getting close.
My mom and doula packed the car and woke Tom who had been sleeping in Tommy's bed. I was alone for part of this and that was awful. I know some women like to be alone while they are laboring, but it was not for me! I was really dreading sitting up in the car because sitting caused such intense contractions. We put the seat most of the way back and I sat on my hip with a lot of pillows in my lap so I could lean forward against the door and side of the car. The position was more upright but similar to the position I had been in in bed. The drive was pretty bad. The contractions were more intense upright and we realized we should have had my mom drive my car a few more times before "the night". She isn't used to my clutch! Her car had the car seat in it for Tommy so we had to leave that behind for my dad. Tom and my doula followed us each in their own car.
Mom dropped me off at the emergency entrance, and I had to go through two contractions waiting for the person to answer the buzzer. When she let me in I said, "Guess what I'm here for" and she actually paused a minute before realizing, hey, this lady is in labor! It might have been the two pillows I was clutching that gave it away. Finally everyone had parked and came in and the hospital worker insisted on wheeling me down to maternity. They would not let me walk! Sitting in that chair was agony. In addition, emergency and maternity are just about as far apart as you can get in this hospital! I should have gone into labor in the day because maternity is very close to the front entrance.
As we got to maternity, we saw the nurse. The bad nurse! It's not that she is that bad, but she has very little bedside manner,and she is very medical and not supportive of natural childbirth and VBACs from what I understand. I asked my doula if that was "her" (I had seen pictures of the nurses on the wall the day before and recognized her as being the one with that name). My doula just said, "It's ok. We can work with her," or something to that effect. Check-in seemed to take forever. I had to give them my name three times because they kept misspelling it and saying I wasn't pre-registered. It's Grassia, an Italian name, but everyone here tries to hispanicize it into Garcia or Gracia or they just plain misspell it Graffia or Grazzia. It drives me nuts, especially at times like this.
When things were straightened out, which probably didn't take as long as it felt, the nurse then checked me. I didn't hear what she said, but I just heard my doula saying, "is her cervix swollen." She asked this because if I had been involuntarily pushing, it could have caused a swollen cervix. The nurse said "No. That's what it is." It was my doula that told me I was three centimeters. Only three! I am surprised I didn't get more discouraged over it. Over nine hours of active labor (I believe it was around 3:30 am when we got to the hospital) and I was only at three centimeters plus I again had a premature urge to push (I had had that with Tommy at three to four centimeters when my water broke)! In the back of my mind I knew that I wasn't at ten when we left for the hospital, but I was thinking I might be eight, something higher than three for sure! (When my doula read this birth story she said "I was also surprised you were at 3, but you looked over at me and said patting my hand, 'that's ok . . . I'm 80% effaced and that is progress.' You were great, was that an act?" I had to laugh at this because first I had forgotten about this, but I think I also said that as a way to convince myself that everything was still going to be ok).
They had to call my doctor and unfortunately my doctor was away for Labor Day weekend. I really wish I had known this before. She had said she would be away for parts of Saturday and Sunday, but we were told she went to Los Angeles for the entire weekend! The nurse came back saying that she was told by the back-up doctor to encourage me to get an epidural and start the pitocin. No way was I going to agree to that! We told the nurse that I wanted to get in the jacuzzi. She didn't seem to like that idea, and besides, first we needed to run a strip. I had been on the monitor awhile and again just like the day before and Tommy's labor, nothing was registering! I was still feeling all the contractions low and at my cervix, but just a little tightening up high. They were also having problems getting the baby's heart rate. The nurse kept insisting I lay flat on my back where she could get a better read, but I kept moving to my side. Finally I compromised so they could get more of a read by lying on my side/back propped up with a pillow. The heartbeat was steady in the 150s to 160s I think, but it was a little too steady and not varying enough with contractions. I wasn't worried though. I just knew things would be fine with the baby. The other thing that wasn't going well was I had a fever. My temperature was 100.3 when we arrived! I grudgingly agreed to a penicillin IV even though I really didn't want the restriction of an IV or the antibiotics. Having a fever really did take me for a loop though. I realized we had a long way to go and this would give everyone, including myself, peace of mind. For a change she had no problem getting the IV into my forearm, and it was in a place that didn't impede my movement. Normally they have to put IVs in my hand because I have a lot of valves in my veins that make it difficult to get an IV in. I have had several IVs in the last few years and none went as smoothly as this one.
After the hour-long strip they put the telemetry monitor on, and I made the long trek to the Jacuzzi. It's a very small hospital, but that hallway seemed to go on forever. I had to stop for each contraction with the nurse trying to hurry me on. The tub room was very small, but somehow my doula and mom both fit in there. Tom stayed behind in the room and probably slept on the couch. I was pretty impressed that they were actually letting me in water with my water broken and a fever and IV. They said I could put the IV arm underwater as well. I had almost total freedom to move! The nurse did at one point, however, try to keep me from drinking. My doula had brought some energy fizzy drinks. I had had two earlier at home and she made up another for me. It was an orange flavored one and the nurse told her "She can't have orange juice! She's a VBAC. Only clear fluids." My doula informed her that it was just like Gatorade and it was a clear fluid and gave it to me. It was a moot point because I ended up not liking that flavor.
Again in the tub, we ran into more technical difficulties. It wasn't actually a jacuzzi, it was a slightly deeper than normal tub with some jets in it, not a huge tub where you could completely float. The problem was that my room, where the telemetry base machine was, was too far away from the tub room so nothing could be picked up. First the nurse turned off the jets but that didn't help. The nurse ended up just taking the monitors off me and left us alone. It was at this point that I let my doula in on the little secret I had discovered. When getting up to go to the Jacuzzi, I removed the towel from between my legs and noticed there was some green on it. The dreaded meconium! I wasn't planning on keeping it a secret, but I did fold it up quickly so the nurse wouldn't see it. I wanted to tell my doula first. She went back to the room to look at the towel and show it to the nurse. The nurse called it "light meconium," but my doula and I both thought it was pretty much your standard not too good meconium!
The tub wasn't helping me at all. I tried different positions, but nothing would allow my entire abdomen under water. The closest I could get was to lie on my back in there with someone pouring water over my belly. My neck was crooked funny in that position and the discomfort there was annoying me. I was longing for a large tub where I could drape over the side and just sink and float in water. I don't know if it would have helped, but this tub was definitely not doing it! I told my doula it was time to get out and I wanted an epidural. I was tired and in pain and fighting things and basically discouraged. I wanted to relax some and rest. She did her duty and asked if she just needed to work harder for me, and I said, no, it was time. Just as I was getting out the nurse came back in and in her poor bedside manner said that I had to get out and get back on the monitor. No big deal because bed was where I was headed anyway!
The nurse checked me again when we got back to my room, and I don't think I had progressed. With the penicillin in I wasn't as concerned about frequent checks as I was before. It wasn't too long of a wait and the anesthesiologist arrived. I sat on the side of the bed and rounded my back and leaned on my doula and the nurse. The contractions were pure agony this way, and I had plenty to endure. The anesthesiologist was completely incapable of getting the epidural in it seemed! He gave me a local and stuck me once and couldn't get it. Another local in another place and another stick and I don't think he got it that time either. I believe for him the third time was a charm! I was sitting upright for at least ten contractions, which makes me think I was there for at least half an hour! I could feel the tension in the room. My mother and doula were not the people to look at because they had these looks of unbelief. My mother was the worst, and I could tell that whatever this man was doing it was scaring the heck out of her! It wasn't the needle because my mom had been through that before with my last labor; it was the fact that he was having problems. Even the nurse sighed and rolled her eyes! All the things that can go wrong with an epidural were going through my head, but I also didn't care. I just wanted the pain to end and I wanted to sleep! The doctor commented when it was over that I did a good job and remained incredibly still. We still don't know why he had such a hard time getting it in.
Eventually the epidural was in place and I was able to lie back on the bed. Then I felt a pain twice as intense as the pains before. I had a hole! The pain was going from the right of my belly button through to my back. I told the anesthesiologist and he told me not to worry, he would have that fixed in a jiffy (I think he actually used that word or something like it). He injected something into the epidural and the hole went away! Ahhh, relief! The epidural I got was perfect. It had none of the problems that mine with Tommy had. I was numb from my belly button to my mid-thigh, but it wasn't a full numb. I could still feel the peak of every contraction and I still felt a ton of cervical pressure and pain. This is what I wanted. I didn't want to be completely removed from the experience!
It might have been when the anesthesiologist came back in later to check on me or it might have been right after the epidural when my doula asked me, "Isn't there something you want to discuss with the anesthesiologist while we have him here?". She was just wonderful in prompting and reminding me of my birth wishes.
I asked him all the cesarean questions I had, most importantly was if I were to need a c-section could I have my mother and doula present? He said definitely, and besides "It won't matter. You'll be getting the baby out the right way this time." Oh that was music to my ears to get encouragement from him! Despite the shaky beginning, the anesthesiologist ended up being a great support. He came in frequently to chat with us and shared bits of his life and funny stories. Would you believe he even came in the next day to check in on me and just visit us! I feel I lucked out because he actually lives in Arizona and flies in (he actually pilots the plane) just one weekend a month to work at this hospital. He grew up in this area and raised his kids here and calls the hospital I delivered at the little known secret of Silicon Valley. He has worked at hospitals in several cities and states and when he needed surgery he actually came back to have it at this hospital!
Well the point of the epidural was so I could get some sleep, but did I sleep? Of course not! I started talking. Tom calls this fault of mine "nervous chatter," the desire to fill every bit of quiet space. I do realize now I was quite nervous which was probably why I was so chatty. I was very excited about pushing, but the labor itself I realize now I feared a lot. I feared that I wouldn't get past where I got with Tommy and that something would go wrong. I really wasn't worried about rupture, although with the pain being only low and in the front of my uterus the thought did cross my mind a few times, but mostly I was worried that the baby would indicate trauma or the meconium would become thick or some other thing would happen that would make them want to do a c-section. I knew deep down that the baby was fine but I doubted that my body would work. I doubted that I would progress.
After talking and being mildly scolded by my doula about not sleeping, I decided I would make more of an effort. I was actually resting. I had my eyes closed most of the time I was talking, and I was semi-dozing in-between contractions and chatter. I decided to try to relax more and decided to pray a rosary. Last fall my parents had visited and my mom brought back a special rosary that she had gotten in St. Augustine, Florida. There is a shrine to Nuestra Seņora de Leche y Buen Parto, Our Lady of Milk and Safe Delivery. I prayed on this rosary throughout the pregnancy and had given it to my mother along with the first class relic of St. John Neumann to hold for me through labor. I asked for them both. I put the relic on my belly and held it there with my right hand while praying with the rosary in my left. I asked St. John Neumann to look after the baby and asked Our Lady to look after me. Praying the rosary always relaxes me, and I found myself dozing. I kept waking, and I'd move my fingers to the next bead and then doze again while saying the prayers. I prayed and dozed like this from around 8am until about 8:30 when I finally finished the rosary and we had another interruption. I can't remember who it was that interrupted us then.
At some point there was a change in shift. The "horrible nurse" wasn't really that horrible after all, but I am glad she wasn't going to be with me any longer. She never even said good-bye when her shift was over. But right after that, in walked an angel! I would never have thought of praying for a person as wonderful as this nurse to help me through labor! She was young, a year younger than me, and a mother of an eighteen-month-old boy who had been delivered by cesarean because her pelvis was "too small." Right off my doula and I started telling her that a "too small" pelvis is actually quite rare! She was very receptive to the information we were giving her, and she said that she was trained medically, but not in any of the natural ways to get a baby out. She checked me and I had made very little progress, but she was very encouraging. Another phone call to my doctor and another message from my doctor saying I needed pitocin! This time we asked about nipple stimulation instead. Since my dad and Tommy hadn't shown up yet, we brought in the breast pump. The nurse knew a lot about pumping as she had pumped for her son when she went back to work. It turns out that my Ameda Purely Yours breast pump cones could be used with the hospital grade Medela pump so we saved my insurance company the cost of an accessory pack! I started the nipple stimulation and the contractions did pick up a little. They were still coming regularly and still not registering on the meter, but this nurse sat there and held the monitors on by hand. She also lowered the contraction monitor to my lower abdomen to try to pick them up where they were strongest, and when that didn't work, she just put her hands on my abdomen and watched the heartbeat of the baby to see what it did when my contractions came. She believed me that these contractions were strong and coming regularly and supported me fully in not getting pitocin. The doctor, of course, wanted to be able to come in and see on the strip when the contraction hit and what the baby did, but that just wasn't going to happen because my body does not seem to like to show the monitor what is happening! I am overweight, but I don't have that much fat on my abdomen so that shouldn't have been the problem.
At some point I was checked again and I was a whole five centimeters! This might not seem like much, but it was then that I gained confidence. I had also been effaced to 90% for two checks now. There was definitely progress happening. True progress even if it didn't meet the timelines that doctors like to see. I was not going to sleep again. I felt rejuvenated, and there was work to be done. Even with the epidural, I wanted to get more upright to allow gravity to help the contractions do their job. I moved to get on hands and knees and with a little help since my legs were tingly, I got in that position and knelt back on my heels with the birth ball in front of me to lean on. I stayed in this position awhile until I started getting light headed. It turns out being upright doesn't mix with epidurals and my blood pressure was dropping. They had me strapped to a cuff that checked my blood pressure every fifteen minutes, but we could check it sooner by pushing a button. We checked it and it was pretty low so I lied back down.
I should also mention that at some point before this I believe my wonderful second doula arrived. She was a new doula who had never attended a birth, but she had contacted my doula to ask permission to tag along for a birth. I am very glad that my doula chose to ask me if she could be at my birth. She might not have been at a birth before, but she was a complete natural. She had wonderful hands that massaged me perfectly. Whenever I needed something or someone else needed something she was right there with it, but she did all of this without me even noticing it was her who did it. When I was kneeling I actually had to ask whose hands were on my back because if felt so good! She also knew just the perfect way to scratch. I had a lot of itchiness due to the epidural on my back and on my legs. I had several leg and foot massages that helped me relax as well. I had "lost" my legs some from the anesthesia, but not fully. They weren't asleep, but they tingled like when they are starting to wake up for a few hours and sometimes my skin felt strange like it was going to split. The massage really helped that.
For the middle hours my labor was fairly uneventful. My doulas and my mother helped me on and off and around 11am, I believe my father brought Tommy to see me. Tommy was at first confused with the IV in my arm and the epidural taped to my shoulder and back, and he tried to remove the tape. We were fairly worried that he would displace the epidural, but he got used to it quickly and was at ease the entire time he was there. He nursed on and off, and he especially nursed every time the doctor called and wanted me to have pitocin. She was really pushing the pitocin because of my slow progress, but I did not want pit! My experience with it with Tommy was not good, and while I didn't worry too much about uterine rupture, there are studies that show that pitocin increases your chances of rupture (and also some that show that prostaglandin gel does as well). I did not want to combine the two as my regular OB and others feel that the combination of prostaglandin gel and pitocin is even more problematic than either alone.
Many hours later I was checked, and I was eight centimeters, 90% effaced and +1 station! This was real progress! Again I decided to get upright for a change of pace. We snapped a few pictures of me with Tommy at this point because I realized we didn't have any of my pregnant belly this late in the pregnancy. I ended up sitting at the edge of the bed and had my mom sit straddled over a chair in front of me so I could lean on her back. It was very comfortable and relaxing. We have a couple of pictures of us in this position courtesy of Tommy that aren't fit for sharing! I didn't rebel and wear my own gown; I just wore no gown! I had too many tubes in me to deal with getting things on and off through arm holes and after getting out of the tub and wrapping in something temporarily, I never got around to putting anything else on and it was so much more comfortable to just have a sheet over me. I was also quite hot with the fever. I obviously temporarily donned a gown for the picture with Tommy. We didn't mean to take another picture at this point, but Tommy got a hold of my dad's digital camera and before we realized it two photos were snapped. He actually centered my mom and I quite well. The little rascal!
Another great pick-me-up came when my nurse came in with a message offering me encouragement from a wonderful group of ladies. I have been participating on an email list for traditional Catholic mothers, and they knew I was in labor (I had been chatting with two of the list members the night before) and they were anxiously awaiting news. After I came home, I was able to read the conversation they were having while waiting for news all day and it was hilarious. There were a lot of people saying, "She gave us the cell phone number, but I don't have the guts to call," or "I didn't want to bother them." Someone finally called the hospital and got my "sympathetic nurse" who confirmed that I was indeed in labor, but she couldn't say more. She took down a message from me and delivered it. I can't remember it word for word, but it was an encouraging message letting me know they were all anxiously awaiting news, and I was in their prayers. I didn't know who called, but I had taken the phone number of the doula on the list (who is the one who actually found my doula for me through one of her lists) and we decided to give her a call. My doula had spoken with her just a few days before for several hours and was very happy to call her again! I was getting encouragement from every direction at this point, and it was just what I needed. I would guess that it was around 4pm when this message came through.
When we found out that the cool anesthesiologist would be on until 7pm and the day shift nurse is on until 7pm, I declared that this baby would be out by then! Then we found out that the wonderful nurse was leaving early at 4pm. She sounded as disappointed as we did. She made sure she said goodbye before her shift ended and left me with a lot of encouragement. She actually stayed about thirty minutes later than she should have. My doula asked which nurse we were getting, and she said she arranged for us to get the best! Sure enough we did. We got a nurse that my doula had worked with in the past, and she was the best the hospital had to offer, after the day shift nurse of course!
Again we started running into issues with the monitors. There hadn't been too much discussion with the other nurse, but every shift change brings on closer monitoring. This nurse wasn't too concerned, but we were watching things closely. All along the baby's response hadn't been the best. The baby's heart rate remained perfectly steady, which is actually a problem. The heart rate should accelerate during contractions. No change is an indication that the baby isn't tolerating labor well. The doctor wasn't too concerned when she came in, but it was obvious she wished I would go faster and she wished that the contractions would show up on the paper printout so she could visually see if there were variations in the baby's heart rate (which there weren't). When the doctor actually came in to check on me some time during the day shift, she also saw some meconium on my perineum. She just wiped it away and made the comment that it was "thick". Those two instances where we saw meconium were the only ones. My fluid wasn't pea soup like and stained throughout with meconium; there was clear fluid and just a bit of it so no one was very concerned.
I believe the doctor came by for the second time around 7pm or so. She checked me and I was ten centimeters! But (isn't there always a but?) I had cervical lip. What that is is a small part of the cervix that hasn't "dissolved" away. You can often push the baby past the lip so that is what she wanted me to try to do. While doing an internal exam, she had me start pushing while she tried to hold the lip back. This was actually the most excruciating part of the entire labor and delivery! She was moving her fingers around massaging that lip through at least a half dozen contractions while I was pushing with everything I had, but with very little urge to push. I was pushing with contractions and pushing in-between contractions. I was doing everything I could to try to work past that lip because I feared the interventions that would happen. She had been pushing pitocin all day, and I just knew that she would push it again! Finally she gave up because the lip just wasn't budging. She again suggested pitocin and I said I would just start nursing my son again. She was quite discouraged and said that it wasn't working before and she really wanted me to get pitocin. All of us . . . doulas, Mom, the nurse and myself . . . jumped in telling her that indeed when he nursed it did increase the contractions so she quietly agreed to leave and let me try. The nurse left with her and later my doula told me the nurse said that she sent the doctor back to her office. Thank God again for a wonderful nurse who was allowing me to do this on my terms! And I was also thankful that I had a doctor who was not so arrogant that she trusted the nurse and did indeed go back to her office.
Well from this point on, I had been given the go ahead to push when I felt like it. I had no urge to push though and I was feeling quite energetic and actually quite hungry! I hadn't realized I was hungry until my mom returned from the cafeteria with a small salad and a deli sandwich. I had been eating canned peaches and sipping homemade chicken soup broth and munching on a saltine here and there throughout labor, but I was really wanting just one bite of that sandwich! I ate one bite and it was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. I had to have just one more bite so I took another, and a third, and just then who walks in but the anesthesiologist. He went from being very kind to being quite stern and upset. He snapped out asking why I was eating that. He of course was worried that if I did need general anesthesia that it would make his job more difficult if I had eaten real food. He had seen me eating saltines and broth earlier and had encouraged it, but layers of deli meat on rye were quite a different story! He checked my vitals and then left everyone with strict orders to not give me any more food.
I was actually quite happy that he gave his little speech, not because I was worried about aspirating food should I need general anesthesia, any doctor worth his salt nowadays should know how to protect a patient from this, but because his comments made me realize that this birth wasn't over yet! I might be ten centimeters, but there was still a lot of work ahead. I had basically been celebrating because I, the woman who had been told that her body was faulty and couldn't progress, was just a cervical lip away from pushing! This fleeting moment was the only time in the entire labor that I feared a c-section. I realized there were plenty of women out there who dilated to ten centimeters and pushed and pushed to no avail. I could still have a c-section! That thought got me back down to business.
Shortly after that I was checked again by the nurse and told that I was a full ten centimeters and go ahead and push! Wow! She also said that she felt quite a bit of hair and it didn't "feel" blond (blond hair is often finer and it felt too thick). I should mention that for the last four hours my epidural had basically worn off. It was still on a continuous drip, but I was feeling every little thing. I felt the hands and fingers of my OB in detail on my cervix when she was trying to move the lip. I felt the nurse when she checked me. I felt each contraction, the painless tightening in my upper abdomen, the cramping in my lower abdomen and the burning pains at my cervix. And I wanted to feel all of this! I know the epidural was taking the edge off the pain, but I was still feeling a substantial amount. I have never been told more times in my life how sensitive I am. I don't think anyone but my mother could believe that the epidural had worn off (although sitting upright gave everyone a clue!). I know for sure that the doctor didn't realize it. I really am sensitive and I really do feel things in places I shouldn't. I have never heard of someone feeling contractions at the cervix through her entire labor the way I did.
