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Heather's Pregnancy Journal

Week 33
~ Lots of Emotions

Before I start I need to make a correction from a previous post; my mom was reading over my journal entries and found an error and asked that I correct it. So here goes . . . She (my mom) did not water ski during any of her pregnancies.

Okay, what is new this week? Well Iím going to kind of work backwards through my week this time. I just received some very sad news and Iím trying to process that while knowing I need to get my journal entry done for the week; thus if my thinking seems more unclear than usual you will hopefully understand. About an hour ago I received news that my most treasured friend (outside of dear hubby) is continuing to decline from the stroke(s) and they will discontinue rehab and move her to maintenance care. It is still hard to even comprehend this. I have spent a fair amount of time sobbing and weeping over this news. It simply breaks my heart even though I knew this would come at some point. My dear Teresa has had such a hand in my life over the past 10 years that it is impossible for anyone to understand, except hubby. He has insisted that we continue spending time together. She has taught and encouraged me to do things I never imagined I could do. The kids always knew when we went out for coffee not to expect me home for several hours and we would fill every single second that we were together. She has always been one of the first to the hospital to welcome one of children and can cook the most delicious apple pie; what I am saying is she is a fabulous cook no matter what dish, yet they have always been so simple. I thought the kids were going to eat the dish that contained the homemade mac and cheese she brought over after Elora was born and for whatever reason her cooked carrots were better than mine! I could ask her anything and she never has thought a question was silly or stupid. I could share my feelings and thoughts with her and knew that I would never be judged unjustly for that feeling; for she said it is a feeling not necessarily a fact just a feeling. She has been one of my biggest cheerleaders as a mom, home schooler, wife, and friend and in every other role I have found myself in since we met. When she retired she taught me that being retired simply meant you stopped doing one thing to be busy in another area God has lead you to. Even though we havenít been able to talk for months like we used to, just seeing her and being together for a short period has encouraged me knowing what she would tell me if she was able to talk clearly. "Stay in the word, seek the scripture, life is precious, every life has value for it is inspired by God . . ." And so on would be some of the encouragement flowing from her. She raised five children on her own with one of them dying as a teenager. A few years ago she wrote a book that told her story and gave a glimpse into the lives of her children. I remember as she was writing it, KayCee kept on her about getting it done and how much she looked forward to reading it. Miss Teresa is a special gift God has placed in my life that I treasure ever so much.

I guess it doesnít help matters much with the anniversary of my dadís death coming up either. It seems just when I think I can get a handle on the loss and the changes that have occurred since that time I get tripped up again. Our older three children, though Jesse was only 3, had a chance to get to know him and see his ways before becoming a believer in Christ which he accepted just months before his death. He was determined to follow his acceptance of Christ with baptism even though he knew he was saved by the blood of Christ; it was important for him to share his decision of faith publicly through baptism. He was very weak at that time but his actions spoke volumes to my husband, me, Joshua and KayCee. I still sometimes find it sad that Noah, Elora and now this baby wonít have the opportunity to know him except via memories. No parent is perfect and Lord knows my dad was not but we all agree he added an interesting dimension to our lives!

Itís ironic that fall is my favorite season. I look forward to it every year with the leaves changing, the cool, crisp air, fresh apples, sweaters and some football. But with all that I love it seems I have to conquer some of this sadness for the past 5 years. After the loss of our baby last fall I was hoping this year with the birth of this baby it would mark a change, a little less sadness. Maybe tomorrow, but today I have the sadness of the changing seasons in my life.

Ok, sorry to be such a bummer. Now that I feel a little more composed I will try to move off onto something more uplifting. I thought about not including the above but it is a part of this pregnancy and something I have to cope with so in an effort to be honest with you I will leave it in.

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I have accomplished a few positive things this past week. Saturday was supposed to be a day of cleaning and painting my front door Boysenberry Jam! Well I got side-tracked, nothing new there! On Friday I happened to be cleaning out the far backseat of the suburban while KayCee had her piano lesson. Well I read the opposite side of Eloraís car seat; I didnít realize there were instructions on both sides of the seat Ė DUH! In my defense I have never installed it; hubby or Joshua usually moves it around when needed. Anyway the seat can be used for an infant from 5-35 lbs facing the rear. PRAISE the Lord! We donít have to spend that extra money for another carrier. So Darius and I decided to just try and use the seats we have which will mean carrying the baby more than if we had an infant carrier Ė oh that makes me so sad--NOT! So after I talked to Elora about the move she was all for it as long as I made a car seat cover for her and the babyís car seat. Both the booster chair and her car seat are tan and black or black; very blah. So Saturday I realized I had not one but two coupons for significant savings on sewing supplies. After a little research on the net we headed for JoAnnís for supplies. Found a pattern for the basic car seat cover for $0.99 as well as a couple of other patterns. Elora picked out lavender material with dragonflies, butterflies and lightning bugs and glitter for her seat cover. Then for the baby KayCee and I picked out quilted denim that had small plaid on the reverse side. We purchased enough to make a diaper bag to match with contrasting pockets of brown corduroy with teal green polka dots. I am planning to try using a sling for carrying baby which I found a no-sew pattern on the net so picked up some batiks material in greens, browns and burgundy for it. I have finished Eloraís car seat cover that had to be slightly altered to fit; it doesnít look too bad. Finished the diaper bag which was ever so simple it amazed me, and have the car seat cover cut out for the babyís seat. It should be done in a couple of hours, it is so simple to make.

I managed to wash and put away all of the generic sleepers and onsies as well as some socks. Some of the other "generic gender" socks must have gotten packed away with the girl stuff so will need to check that box out. The bassinet is up, but need to finish washing the material portion of it. I decided to go ahead and get it all together now so that the cats will be used to it and if either has a notion to try and sleep in it we will be able to address that now. We are having the most challenges with the kitten KayCee got. It definitely would have made me a cat hater if it was the first cat we ever owned. This coming from a woman who cried herself to sleep when Darius made me get rid of my Punky when we found out we were expecting Joshua. He was my baby; I nursed him from near death to looking pretty close to Morris the cat.

We also picked pears last week and I need to finish getting them cooked and canned into pear butter and pear honey. We have enjoyed pear crisp through out the week as well. They will taste yummy this winter on toast or as I understand the pear honey is wonderful on sandwiches with peanut butter.

The baby must be getting a bit more cramped on space since the feel of the movement has been somewhat less often throughout the day. More like longer asleep and awake periods, if that makes sense. Hopefully it is not just wishful thinking on my part but it does seem like movement is concentrated lower in my abdomen; meaning that I hope the baby is head down. Though I keep reminding myself what doc said about that possibility. I definitely have times when it feels like I have to run to the bathroom all of a sudden. I will not miss that feeling at all after I deliver!

Today Joshua received a phone call from one of his friends that enlisted in the Marines upon graduation. He even dropped by in uniform. Joshua and he had talked about serving in the military a couple of years ago during track season. Justin graduated last year and has completed boot camp and will soon be off to the next phase of training. He seems to be pleased with his choice. He was kind of hoping to encourage Joshua to sign up with the Marines today and told him that his recruiter would be calling him. WHAT! Joshua has talked about this in the past but was never really ready to jump in with a full commitment and sign the dotted line. He shared with me that he still wasnít ready to make that decision and would rather look into the Air Force or Air National Guard if he would choose to sign up. SHEW! I can only deal with so much at one time and I might have to have a serious talk with God if He laid that on my plate today! Donít get me wrong; I would be a proud mom if my son decided to join up and serve his country as long as he was prepared to do ALL that was asked of him without complaining. Iím not sure Joshua is at that point yet.

Well thanks for listening (reading) this week! This coming week will bring a visit to the doc so will fill you in about how that goes next week.

Blessings!
~ Nancy

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