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Natalie's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week Eleven
~ Not Excited

I must first start out with an apology. I've been so bad about returning my e-mails lately, and I want you all to know that I haven't forgotten you! I've just been trying to catch up with work, and I've begun my Christmas shopping too. So, please be patient, and I promise I will write back soon.

Well, I'm eleven weeks and still not excited. It makes me terribly sad to think that I'm not just absolutely thrilled! I'm almost at the crucial twelve weeks, but I'm still being paranoid about something going wrong. People who are so negative really annoy me, and here I am, one of those people! I have an OB appointment next week, maybe that will bring me some reassurance.

I didn't do the toilet paper measurement today, but I feel about the same size. I'll wait until next week to update you on that. Plus, I'll have been weighed at my appointment. OH NO! I'm dreading that. I never got in trouble for all the weight I gained with Chaynee, but I don't know if they'll be so kind this time around. And it will be right after Thanksgiving, after I've eaten sooo much! It's not as if I can go on a crash diet. Oh well, fat and happy, as my mom always says.

I was a little nauseated last night, so I'm taking that as a good sign. I've been eating terrible; it's no wonder I don't feel good! I keep thinking, "for my next meal I will have a big salad". But that meal just never comes! And I wonder how I gain so much weight . . .

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I'll "see" you next week!

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