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Natalie's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week Eighteen
~ To Find Out, Or Not?

I know that I've talked about this before, but so many of you have been asking. No, we are not going to find out the sex of our baby. We didn't with Chaynee and loved the surprise. So we are going that route again. I don't feel like we need to know so that we can buy clothes, etc. Diapers and a few unisex sleepers (which we have because we didn't know 'what' Chaynee was) will get us by. There will be plenty of time to buy little blue things if necessary. And our baby room is decorated quite cute and unisex. I didn't want a pink or blue room that I would have to redecorate with each child, so we went with pastel greens and blues.

I have told Chaynee that Mommy has a baby in her tummy, and she tells me the same--that Chaynee has a baby in her tummy. I told her that we were going to get a new baby, and she told me, "I have a new baby," referring to our latest addition from Target. I told her we were going to get a new baby like Madison, her cousin. She asked me, "At Aunt Leslie's house"? I'm not sure if she was telling me that the new baby would have to stay with Aunt Leslie, or if she just doesn't quite get it. Oh well, we've still got time to work on it.

I have decided not to have the alpha-fetaprotein test done. My last ultrasound was all that I needed at this point to finally relax and enjoy. I was sure that I was going to be so relieved at 12 weeks, and here it is 18!! Almost half way, and I'm finally going to quit stressing!

I think my hips are growing at the same rate as my tummy. And I don't mean spreading, I mean GROWING! There is an ample layer of fat that should get me and baby through next winter just fine. I have to admit, I am getting a little depressed at my naked figure. I have the unique ability to put on weight everywhere and rather quickly too. As long as I stay dressed . . .

My next OB appointment is on the 28th, but I will update you next week, and give you my toilet paper measurement!

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