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Natalie's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week Eight
~ Hanging In There

This is a scary week for me. I've started to feel optimistic about this pregnancy, but my last two miscarriages were at eight weeks. Those experiences are definitely in the back of my mind.

I've consulted the Ancient Chinese Gender Chart which is something I've done for the last three pregnancies. Anyway, the chart says it's a boy. Now, I could care less about the gender, but I think it's fun to look. I didn't know about the chart when I was pregnant with Chaynee, but found it afterwards, and it was right. So, I printed it out and took it to our Play Group. I had to see if it was right for everyone. And it was! I think out of eight moms and 16 children, there were only two that weren't right. Wow! Now, I won't be sure about this chart until June. We refuse to peek! I love not knowing, and hate it when other people find out what they are having. I know, to each his own, but there is no surprise when you know it's a girl and her name will be "Anna" . . . so, we don't find out what we are having, and we don't tell anyone the names we like. It just drives people crazy, and we love it!

I'm not weighing myself, but my jeans are getting snug. My weight is misleading anyway. I'm 5'2" and weigh 123 (normally 118)! I know that sounds a little heavy for a shorty like me, but I'm actually small. I guess muscle weighs more than fat, but I'm not sure where the muscles are! I've decided to give you a better idea of my size. I wear a size 3/5 in most Levi brand jeans and a size 4 in Gap Loose Fit. Other brands in those sizes do not make it past my knees! The message boards had a toilet paper measurement going on, so I'll use that. Right now I am at seven squares. I'll try to remember to update you on my squares.

I hate getting dressed already! The other day I was in my robe until noon. I was surprised at myself and realized I was subconsciously avoiding putting on uncomfortable clothes. Today I'm going out to buy some overalls. My girlfriend suggested sweats, but I'm not really a sweats kind of person. Thank goodness I don't have to go to work, or I'd be looking pretty sloppy!

Next week is my ultrasound! I can hardly wait! James wishes it wasn't so soon, so we could see more. But seeing the heartbeat will make me so happy! Of course I would like to see all of the fingers and toes too, but we'll get to do that later.

I've mentioned before that we haven't told anyone. Well, that's not entirely true. I had to tell the people who we were going to rent a houseboat with at Lake Powell (swore them to secrecy) and I had to tell my sister so that she could take my place on the Reno trip (also sworn to secrecy). I'm thinking about showing everyone my ultrasound picture at Thanksgiving, but I'm getting excited! I don't think I'll be able to wait much longer!

I'm still a bit queasy and very tired. James said, "Do you remember how tired you were when Chaynee was a newborn? How are you going to make it?". I reminded him that most women are tired in their first trimester and that lots of women have more than one child and live to tell about it. I don't know why he's worried. On Chaynee's first night home he thought she slept really well. Ha! He slept really well! I was suppose to be bedridden and he was supposed to get her for me so I could nurse her. After the second feeding, he never heard her again. Oh well, he was not of much use when it was time to feed her anyway. Later on I woke him if she just wouldn't sleep. My job was done, he could do the rocking and walking. I suppose that's my hormones talking. James is a wonderful Daddy, just not a light sleeper.

We'll be out of town for a long weekend. Traveling and having to potty every 30 minutes is not something I'm really looking forward too. Ugh! And my paranoia about traveling in the first trimester. Won't you guys be glad when I hit the twelve week mark? Maybe I won't be such a weenie!

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