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Natalie's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week Nine
~ We Have a Heartbeat!

Today we went for the ultrasound. I wasn't really nervous because I feel pregnant. And I'm expanding. I'm up to 7-3/4 squares on the toilet paper scale.

Anyway, I wasn't very happy with my ultrasound. The technician couldn't see much and of course was very vague. Where we live, the tech isn't allowed to say anything, good or bad. So comments like, "Your doctor will call you if anything is wrong," really unnerved me. Our baby was still quite a blob on the screen, but we could see the heartbeat. I didn't feel like the technician did a lot of baby measurements. She spent a lot of time measuring my ovaries, etc. James thought everything went fine, so maybe it's just my paranoia again. The tech asked me questions about my miscarriages. Not from a medical standpoint, just natural curiosity. But when she asked at what week I normally miscarried, another alarm bell went off in my head. And her final comment of, "I hope this one is a keeper for you," just added fuel to the fire! When will I finally relax? She told me that I was high risk, and my doctor would be doing a lot of testing on me. This was news to me! I know this woman isn't a doctor, and she was actually very kind, but I left with a very unsettled feeling . . .

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So, now we wait. They said my doctor should have the results in three days. So if I don't hear from them by Friday, I'm going to call. I need that peace of mind!

I bought some maternity clothes while I was out of town. I'm limited to Target when it comes to shopping here. It works for me because I'm pretty casual anyway, but I like to have some nicer things too. Let's just hope I get the wear them!

Our trip went pretty well. I had the brilliant idea of sleeping on the hide-a-bed in the study so that Chaynee could have the bedroom to herself. My thought was that we would all sleep better. I don't sleep well with Chaynee in the same room, and I don't think she sleeps all that well with us in there either. The bedroom is farther away from the family room so I thought she wouldn't be disturbed by the television, etc. Okay, my intentions were good. Chaynee slept just fine. I, however, was miserable! That darn bed was so uncomfortable!!! With my back aching and James and I both sinking to the middle, I think I got a good four hours of sleep each night. I was so exhausted by the time I went to bed, nothing could have bothered me. But the aches woke me, and it was tossing and turning until morning! I was so glad to get home to my own bed. I slept like a rock last night!

It's time to ask for your prayers again! I know everything happens for a reason; I just need strength to get through these nerve racking times. I will let you know next week what the results of my ultrasound are.

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